The Shepherd Theory
by samarahA
Summary: No. I was not royal. I was anything, but royal. But my name was Royal, Royal Shepherd. Sister of neurosurgeons Amelia and Derek Shepherd, and for the first time in years, I was about to see my brother. At least, that's what I thought.
1. Chapter 1

I was not royal, by any means. No, not a princess, nor a queen. Me? I was more like the village freak. The out cast, the black sheep, the weirdo, find a name for it, you've got a perfect description of the one and only Royal Shepard. But no, no I was not royal. Not in my eyes, anyway. How could, I, be royal? A princess's mother loves her. A princess's mother gets pregnant with her on purpose. A princess is raised in a castle among her father and her mother, loving parents who shower her with presents and love, and hugs and kisses. A princess, once day, becomes a queen. And I? I was not royal. No, not a princess. I was my mothers worst nightmare. My mother was not a queen. She was drunk, and sloppy, and got pregnant on accident with another man that was drunk, and sloppy, at a night gone wild in a bar. I was raised in my dinky bedroom in the attic, all by myself. Only reason I came out slightly alright was my brother, Derek, and my sister, Amelia's problem. I was not raised with loving parents that showered me with presents and love, I was raised with a mother that showered me with blasts of cold water from the hose when I misbehaved outside in the backyard, and then dirt so that my being was covered with mud, and I'd sit that way for hours, crying on the back door step. I'd sit that way until Derek or Amelia came home and bundled me in their arms. I was never showered with hugs and kisses by my mom or dad. I got that from my two siblings. I had three more, that despised me as much as my mother did. They were always kiss asses. And for a moment I was happy, well maybe not a moment. I was happy for three years, but it all felt so fast. Derek said he was going to try to get custody of me, he promised he'd take care of me. But that was three years ago. Today, I'm sixteen. Then, I was thirteen. I was skinny, and frail, and malnourished and dehydrated and hated by my family. My mother hated me so much, that my happiness was her worst nightmare. She sent me away to a boarding school in Canada, hoping to be rid of me for the rest of my life. Little did she know, her youngest daughter, her worst nightmare, was highly intelligent and skipped three grade levels in school. When I was supposed to be in eighth grade I shot my way up into eleventh. I graduated at fourteen, with a full ride into college. Yes, so I started college at fourteen in Washington. I was going to be a surgeon, just like my brother and sister. I didn't have plans on seeing them again, I figured they'd forgotten about me. That was, until a month ago. I'd have fainting spells in class, massive migraines. I needed a hospital. I needed a doctor, and my professor told me about Derek Shepard. I merely laughed. He asked if I knew the doctor, I'd been snarky and told him to bite me. Of course I knew him. He was my brother.

No. I was not royal. I was anything, but royal. But my name was Royal, Royal Shepard. Sister of neurosurgeons Amelia and Derek Shepard, and for the first time in years, I was about to see my brother. My feet were bouncing up and down, the ground of the hospital beneath them. I was nervous. Very nervous, more nervous than I needed to be. He was my brother after all. But regardless, I was nervous. My breath was shaky, my eyes flicking back and forth. So, when I felt a tap on my shoulder I jumped about five feet in the air and squealed. I put a hand to my chest as I noticed it was just a doctor. An attractive doctor, at that. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Don't think I'm crazy."

He laughed heartily. "I don't think you're crazy, I probably freaked you out there, sorry. I'm Dr. Hunt. Are you looking for someone?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "I am, actually. Can you help me find the floor for neurosurgery? I can get to them myself, I just need to know where their office is."

"Sure." He agreed. "Let me take you to the elevators. Might I ask who this surgeon is?"

"Derek Shepard." I responded.

His eyes widened, and then his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He definitely thought I was insane, although I couldn't quite understand why. "Um...do you mean Amelia?"

"How do you know Amelia?" I asked.

"She's my wife?" He said questioningly.

"Well shit." I crossed my arms. "She got herself a husband."

"How do you know Amelia?" He asked, and began to lead me to the elevators.

I quickly followed. "She's my sister."

"I didn't know Amelia had a younger sister." He mumbled.

I shrugged. "Not surprising. I'm not exactly the family treasure. Although I don't know why she'd bother trying to hide my existence. So anyways, I wasn't looking for Amelia, but she's good too. Bring me to her."

"Will do." He nodded slowly. "How do I not know about you?"

"That sir," I patted his arm. "is not something I tell total strangers."

"I am your brother in law." He said pointedly.

"And you're also a total stranger." I sent him a smile.

Amelia had done well. He was hot. He was nice. But he was a little strange, I must admit, he got all uptight when I mentioned Derek and I thought that was a little creepy. Maybe Derek didn't like him. He never did appreciate any of his sisters boyfriends, mostly just because they were boys, and going after his sisters.

"You got me there." He chuckled, but his face fell, and he looked ahead of himself.

I shrugged in confusion. The door binged and we were on the floor I guess Amelia would be on.

"So what's your name?" He asked.

"The one on my birth certificate, or just what everyone calls me?" I asked.

"Shoot me with both." He responded, figuring it was just a joke.

"Baby, and Royal." I responded.

"I think you got those backwards." He chuckled as we walked down the hallway.

It smelled like a hospital, all sterile and gross.

"Nope. My birth certificate says Baby Shepard." I shoved my fists in my pocket. "That's the outcome you get when your mother regrets your entire existence."

His eyes became sorrowful.

"Sorry. That was a lot to unleash on a total stranger." I chuckled to myself, but it was the truth.

My mother hated me so much, she refused to name me. And one day, when I was crying into Amelia's chest, she'd called me her princess. And I asked her if she could name me Princess. She'd softly told me that Princess wasn't a real name, but we could do something close to that, and she asked me what I thought was pretty. I remembered rubbing my eyes and asking her if Royal was okay. She grinned at me, kissed my forehead, and said to me, "Yes, Baby. That sounds like a beautiful name." and that's how that happened.

"And, she should be," he started to say, opening a door, but continued with another sentence. "Amelia?"

She looked up at the Dr. Hunt and sent him a smile. "Yeah? What's wrong?"

"You have a visitor." He said softly, pressing his hand to my back, and pushing me forward lightly.

She'd changed a lot, her hair was shorter, she'd matured. I was shocked that I was actually standing in front of my older sister.

She looked up at me from her sitting position, her eyes scanning my body and face, and at first I thought maybe she didn't recognize me. That was until her eyes widened and her mouth followed suit. "Ellie?"

I smiled. "Hey, Amy."

She sat up, her bottom lip quivering and she brought me in for a well deserved hug.

I laughed happily and hugged her tightly.

"Oh my G-d. Oh my G-d." She muttered. "Where did she send you, where did that bitch take you?"

"Boarding school in Canada." I replied softly.

Amelia shook her head, her breathing shaky.

"Little did she know I'm actually super smart." I said.

"Yeah, no thanks to her." She pulled away, but still held me close. Her arms linked around my neck.

"I skipped to eleventh grade at thirteen, Amy. I'm in college now." I smiled softly.

Her face softened and she inhaled softly. "How?"

"Full ride. Through a Gifted program." I chewed my bottom lip. "Where's Derek?"

Her face fell and by the look of her face she looked almost in shock.

"Okay what the hell is with everyone making that face when I mention him?" I pulled her arms off of my neck softly and put them by her side. I looked around the room we were in. There was a brunette on the couch, an African american woman next to her, and a very handsome man with blue eyes on the table Amelia had been sitting on. They looked just as confused as me.

"Amelia?" The brunette said softly.

"This is my sister." Amelia said, ignoring my question. "Ellie Shepard."

"Royal." I waved slightly. "Only, Amy, can call me Ellie. Now, if you'd please tell me where my brother is I'd really appreciate it."

"You didn't tell her?" The handsome man asked.

"I haven't seen her in over three years." Amelia scoffed. "Don't judge my actions. I couldn't tell her."

"Tell me what?" I raised my voice. "Why is everyone avoiding the conversation of Derek?"

"Ellie, Derek's dead." She said, her voice monotone. Not sad, or angry. Just, flat.

My breath didn't hitch, and I didn't feel the urge to cry, like most might. I'd taught myself years ago not to cry when bad things happened to me, because my life was a bad thing. I think I was more confused than anything, but I refused to allow anyone to know how I was feeling. "Oh."

Amelia took a stance, telling me she was ready to envelope me in her arms and allow me to sob into her chest like I've done so many times in the past, but I didn't. I couldn't.

I nodded slowly. "How?"

"Car crash." The brunette mumbled. "I'm Meredith. Meredith Grey. Your brothers...I was your brothers wife."

A small smile came to my lips. "So you're the famous Meredith? Derek told me about you...you made him really happy."

She smiled lightly.

"Are you...okay?" Amelia asked, confusion written all over her face.

"I'm fine." I smiled. "So. You work here now?"

I could tell that everyone in the room was confused about my reaction to learning Derek was dead, but Amelia, somewhere in there, remembered this is how I reacted to any bad news I received, and this was no different. On the inside, I was grieving, and maybe a while later, I'd grieve outwardly. But not now...not yet.

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah. These are my co-workers...Meredith, as you know. Maggie Pierce, she's head of cardio, and that's Jackson Avery. Head of plastics."

"Jackson Avery as in?" I gasped.

He groaned, making everyone in the room chuckle.

"Sorry. I just, really love your work!" I said.

I'd heard of Jackson Avery before. He was one of the best plastics surgeons in the country, and of course I'd heard of his family. But his family wasn't him, and I wasn't going to stamp him as fantastic until I'd see it for myself. You learn that when you grow up in a family that's terrible, and you come out decent.

He looked up. "Really?"

"Of course." I giggled. "I'm not stupid. I've heard of your family, but you're a nobody in my eyes until you're a somebody, regardless of your mother. So. Yes. I really admire your work, and I'd probably ask you to mentor me if I wanted to go into plastics."

"What do you mean?" Amelia wrapped her hand around my arm lovingly.

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Your little sister is going to med school."

"Three neurosurgeons?" Hunt asked.

I shook my head. "No. I like the brain, it's a great thing. I just don't feel comfortable enough holding it in my hands and operating on it every day." I laughed lightly. "I'm looking at PEDS, actually."

"That's hard stuff." Amelia said. "You up for that?"

"Kids are great, it's pretty general." I shrugged. "It's my thing."

"It's weird." Maggie says, "You look nothing like Amelia."

I nodded. "Same mom, different dad. Amelia and Derek looked more like their dad...I also do. Go figure."

Maggie was right, me and Amelia weren't similar in the slightest, except for our hair color. I had wavy brown hair, and bright green eyes. Freckles dusted my cheeks and the bridge of my nose, and I was taller than my sister, finally.

"Ellie." Amelia breathed. "I love you."

I smiled down at her. "I love you too. Also, good job."

"On what?" She asked.

"Your husband." I looked over to Hunt, who was watching us from the doorway. "He's a good one. Not sore on the eyes, either." I joked."I never pictured for you to get married."

"Why?" She laughed.

I shrugged. "Dunno...I mean. When I left...you were half way off the deep end."

Amelia had been quite the drug addict, the last I saw of her, she was trying to sober up. I guess it worked.

"That's true. I didn't give you much of a reason to look up to me, did I?" She mumbled.

"But I did anyways."

She smiled.

"But...there was a reason I came." I took a deep breath, rubbing my palms against my jeans.

"What's that?" She asked.

"I think I have a brain tumor."

* * *

 **Hi everyone! I'm here with a new fanfic. I hope you guys enjoy this. How do you feel about Royal? I wonder if there's another reason she showed up in Seattle. Hmmm...**

 **-Sam**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews, I love hearing what you think of the fanfic so I know how to improve the writing. Also, at the guest, sorry you're upset that Derek's dead. But this does conspire during season thirteen, but mostly wont follow all of the plots. Although, I may add in some of them, but the focus is on Royal and the real reason behind why she's in Seattle. Derek's death, kind of adds to it. Anyways, hope you enjoy this next chapter! :)**

 **-Sam**

* * *

"A what?" The room chorused.

I wasn't expecting that reaction. I inhaled deeply, and put my hands on my hips. "Get me a CT? I'm worried about it. I keep...fainting in class. Migraines are horrendous lately, like I can't even function."

"Ellie." Amelia grabbed my arms. "Are you being serious?"

I rolled my eyes. "No. I'm poking fun. Of course I'm being serious, Amy."

"Why didn't you open with that?" She asked.

"Oh, hey Amelia. Sorry you thought I was dead and all, but I've got a brain tumor, mind checking that out for me? Thanks, bub." I crossed my arm, sarcasm dripping from my pores.

She rolled her eyes at my stupidity. "Not exactly what I meant, El."

"So what did you mean?" I raised my eyebrows.

"How about we get you that CT now?" Hunt offered.

I looked over towards him and smiled. "Let's listen to the nice brother in law shall we?"

Amelia sighed. "Let's do it."

So I shifted the weight of my backpack to the other shoulder, and me, Amelia, and Hunt began to walk out the door.

"Bye, Baby Shepard!" I heard someone call out.

I snorted, little did they know, that wasn't just a stupid nickname they'd created.

"When did these symptoms start?" Hunt asked.

I shrugged. " A few weeks ago maybe? Two?"

"Hopefully it's nothing." Amelia rubbed my back. "Did you hit your head or anything before?"

I shook my head. "Trust me. I've been over everything. It's gotta be a tumor."

"It doesn't have to be." Hunt insisted. "Don't speak things into existence. Let's just see when we get there."

Smiling, I nodded. "Okay...so let's talk about something else, then."

"Like?" Amelia asked.

"Where am I going to live?" I crossed my arms as they led me into a supply closet.

Amelia and Hunt inhaled sharply. I looked between them, as they shared an awkward look. "What...? Why do you two look like someone's dead?"

They looked down at me, eyebrows raised.

"Okay. Sorry, that was a bit too soon." I chuckled awkwardly. "What's wrong?"

"Amelia can go over that with you at a later time." Hunt mentioned, grabbing a gown off of the rack and putting it in my arms.

"Oh, G-d. Marrital problems. Great." I rolled my eyes, just what I needed, right when I come back to Seattle.

"Yeah. Just great." Amelia glared at Hunt as we walked out of the closet.

I locked arms with my sister, forcing her to make eye contact with me. "Hey. Let's be civil, okay? I just came back after three years of not seeing you. Can we do that?"

"Fine." She mumbled, leading me into the womens bathroom, Hunt stayed outside.

"So what's the fight about?" I asked, heading into a stall.

"Are you wearing an underwire? You might want to take the bra off." Amelia said, ignoring my question.

I rolled my eyes. "You seem to think I'm stupid, I mean after two and a half years of med school, of course I know what I need to take off for a CT Scan, Ames. Now stop asking me dumb questions, and answer my original one."

She sighed. "I told him I didn't want kids."

My eyes bulged out of my head. "Why the hell did you say something like that? Remember when we'd sit up at night and talk all about how I would have nephews and nieces? From YOU?"

"Things change." She said, her voice cold.

'Shit' I thought to myself, and decided not to say anything else.

"Now, why are you hiding behind that mask again?" She asked, her voice returning to a normal.

I slid the gown over my body and tied it in all the places it needed to be tied. "What mask?"

"I just told you Derek died and you sit there like you don't give a shit." She said. "What's with that?"

"No one said I don't care." I mumbled, stuffing my clothes into my bag, and walking out of the stall.

Amelia was leaning against the sink, her hands holding onto the rim of the bowl. She was staring at me.

"Well you've got a funny way of showing that you do." She said.

"Can you stop?" I asked. "Please, stop. I get it, you're angry at your husband, good for you. But I didn't come here to get wrapped up in your bad attitude. So please, be kind, or don't be near me at all."

Her face softened. "I...I'm sorry."

I nodded, opening the door to the bathroom. "I'm sure you are."

Hunt was leaning against the wall, but once he saw that I had exited, he jumped up and began to walk me to CT. "You ready for this?"

"I'm fine." I reassured. "Trust me. I know how this works."

"Nervous?" He continued to ask.

My green eyes met his blue. "I'm fine."

He nodded, not convinced, and rightly.

I was nervous. Scared, actually. Many times when I was a child, I was scared I was going to die in the house I was living in. And I had been scared to die, I wanted to live forever. Now? I'm not so scared of death anymore. I've had too many experiences with it. But my heart ached at the idea of dying, and leaving my family behind. And especially so young. I was still a teenager, my life barely at it's beginning. I didn't want to die yet. Not yet.

Once I got to the CT Scan, Hunt and Amelia slid the vests on, and settled me in softly on the table.

"Now, you need to be completely still." Hunt reminded. "And I may ask you to hold your breath at some points, okay?"

He lifted my arms above my head in a certain position, and I smiled. "I've got it, thanks."

"Okay." He smiled, patting my foot. "Let's go, Amelia."

"You don't need my to stay?" Amelia asked.

"I'm a big girl." I said sarcastically. "I'll be fine."

She nodded before walking out of the room with Hunt.

As soon as the machine started, I began to regret the decision I'd just made. But whatever, that didn't matter now. I'd be fine without her, it wouldn't be the first time I'd been stuck in a situation without her.

"You okay?" I heard Hunts voice over the intercom.

"Great." I responded.

"Okay, here's where I ask you to hold your breath for about ten seconds, kay?"

"Yep."

So I did, but they didn't turn off the intercom.

"Can we just act normal, Amelia? Just while your sister is here?"

"You realize that she's not leaving, right? She's staying with me."

"Even more the reason to get over whatever in the hell this is."

"That girl in there has been hurt in more ways than imaginable. I wont allow us to pretend we're happy, she doesn't like pretending. Reality has hit her with a ton of bricks, more than once, Owen. I will not pretend to be okay with you for her sake, or yours. I'm not going to pretend."

"Can you guys hash this out later?" I asked, it had been ten seconds already, anyways. "I can hear you, and it's not exactly the funnest to hear you guys chatting about me as though I'm not here."

"Sorry." They chorused.

I sighed. What in the hell did I just step into, and why was Derek dead when I needed him the most?

The whole scan took all of thirty minutes, and when thirty minutes over, well I was grateful. But when the table came out, and I could sit up, the look on Hunt's face, and my sisters face, well that wasn't too comforting at all.

"Tumor?" I asked.

"Meningioma." Hunt said.

I bit down on my bottom lip. "Okay...Well. Where do we go from here?"


	3. Chapter 3

"So, I'm living at Meredith's house now." Amelia explained on the drive home from the hospital.

Me and Hunt went over treatment options, and the surgery that would be needed. Just me and Hunt. Amelia got all emotional and started crying, and I can't handle her tears. She's the only person that can make me cry along with them, and I didn't want to cry yet.

"Okay. So...is that where I'll be living too?" I asked.

"Well yeah. You sure as hell aren't living on your own." Amelia said. "Not with your tumor the way it is."

I nodded. "Okay...Can I, share the room with you?"

"Of course." Amelia smiled at me quickly before turning her head back to the road. "I wouldn't let my baby sister sleep on the couch, now would I?"

I smiled to myself. Amelia Shepard was not one to allow her baby sister to sleep on the couch, definitely not. I remember one specific memory, when I was four. I'd slept at Derek and Addison's house, because my mom had kicked me hard enough to knock me into the wall. Derek thought I may have had a concussion, so he took me for the week. Amelia came over, I think I was begging for her.

"Hey, Baby." She grinned at me, lifting me above her head.

I remember giggling, "Amy. My head hurts."

"Aw, does it?" She pouted, pulling me close to her chest. "I'm sorry, sweetie. But Der and Addie are gonna take really good care of you."

"Can you stay?" I had begged. "Please?"

Amelia had looked at Derek for approval, and I assume now, that he'd nodded yes, because Amelia smiled down at me and said, "I can stay a few more hours, how about it?"

"I'm tired." I yawned, stretching out my arms.

"No sleeping for you." She said, poking my nose. "Not yet anyways. A few more hours. You missy, do need a bath."

"Amy, you don't have to do that." Derek had said. "I've got it covered."

"Nonsense." Amelia spun me around, making me cackle. "Me and the little bug are gonna go shower. Isn't that right?"

"Uhuh!" I nodded, but held my head in my hands afterwards. "Ow."

Derek sighed. "Okay." He kissed my forehead. "No falling asleep, Baby."

I smiled a toothy smile. "Okay, Der Der."

"Addison should be home soon with food." Derek reminded. "Don't take too long."

We'd showered together, and after we'd eaten, Derek offered me the couch, but Amelia absolutely refused.

"You're not letting your baby sister sleep on the couch, all alone." Amelia scoffed. "She'll sleep with you and Addison."

"Derek it's fine." Addison had smiled. "Baby is more than welcome to share the bed with us. It wouldn't be the first time."

I yawned against Derek's chest. "Yeah, Der Bear. I'll share with you."

Let's just say, that night, I had slept with Derek and Addison.

"And...I can share the bed. Right?" I asked.

"Why are you so worried I won't want you in the bed with me?" Amelia asked softly. "Ellie. What happened?"

"Nothing." I said sharply. "Nothing happened. I'm just asking."

She grabbed for my hand and held it tightly. "Okay. That's fine."

She knew I was hiding something. She always did, unbeknownst to me. She'd always known me like the back of her hand. Truth is, I just didn't want to lose sight of her. I'd lost sight of Derek and he dissapeared right beneath my feet. I couldn't lose Amelia. She's all I've got left. Just thinking about it made my eyes red and wet. I had to stop.

"Okay. We're here!" She said happily.

I inhaled deeply, and picked up my backpack. "Okay, here we go, then."

When we stepped inside, I looked around. It was homey, and definitely lived in. Childrens toys littered the hall and all the rooms, Meredith had children? I had nephews, or nieces? News to me...although when Derek skyped me, he never did tell me much about his life. I think it was to keep our 'mother' from finding out anything. He did tell me about his divorce with Addison, though, and his marriage to Meredith. Other than that, his life was a mystery to me.

"So, this is Meredith's place." She smiled at me. "Wanna see our room?"

I nodded, rubbing my arms.

She ran up the stairs, and I walked after her. Following down the hallway, she went into the first door to our left. I took off my backpack and set it to the side. It was a pretty big room, and the bed was definitely large enough to share. "It's cute."

"Yeah, it is." She agreed. "You wanna get into pajamas?"

I looked up at her and shrugged. "Sure, I guess. You?"

"Always, as soon as I get home." She nodded, heading towards the dresser.

"Like before." I mumbled. "Whenever you got home you'd always get into pajamas, first thing first."

"Comfort before food." She chuckled.

I picked up my pack, and took out a sweater and some leggings.

She raised an eyebrow at my choice in clothing. "Whatever happened to your tanktop and shorts?"

"Dunno." I murmured quietly.

She looked at me in confusion. "Ookay...whatever. Meet me downstairs, and we'll do some catching up, yeah?"

"Sure." I nodded.

So that I did. I got undressed, making sure to keep the door locked when I wasn't dressed. I threw my hair into a pony tail and walked down the stairs, my cold feet hitting the cold wooden floors made a small padding sound. I turned the corner and found Amelia looking around the kitchen for food. She was wearing a white tanktop and purple pajama pants.

"So. Meredith has kids?" I asked, coming up from behind her.

"Yep. Three." She answered. "Zola is six, Bailey is five, and Ellis is one."

"Aw." I made a pouty face. "That's so cute."

"They'll absolutely love you. You're so great with kids." She said, pressing her hands to her chest. "It's like, so sweet watching my baby with other babies."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not a baby."

"But you are Baby Shepard." She joked.

"I thought we agreed that my name wasn't Baby anymore?" I rasied an eyebrow.

"Right. Sorry." She raised her hands in defense. "I'm not able to call you that anymore."

I never let Amy call me Baby after she'd named me Royal. Only Derek was allowed to call me Baby...

A light smile reached my lips. "Do you have a drink?"

"Ah, let me guess, Pepsi?" She asked.

I nodded, grinning. "You didn't forget?"

"Maggie's kind of hooked on it too, so." She laughed.

"So what's the deal with Maggie? She lives here too?" I asked.

"Well...she's sort of Meredith's half sister." Amelia shrugged, opening the fridge to grab me a can of my favorite beverage.

My eyes bulged. "Really? That's gotta be awkward, finding out you've got a half sister as an adult?"

"Well try finding out twice." Amelia said.

"Twice?"

"Well, there was Lexie." She mentioned. "But uh, Lexie died."

"Aw. Poor Meredith." I mumbled. "Her sister really died?"

She nodded.

"Poor thing." I sighed. "I'd hate if..."

I was about to say I'd hate if my siblings were dead, but then I remembered that Derek had died, and my heart began to ache, so I changed the subject. "So. Do you happen to have a bath tub in this house?"

"Of course." Amelia nodded. "Why wouldn't we?"

"Some homes only have stand up showers." I shrugged. "It wouldn't be the first home I've lived in that didn't have a bath tub."

Also known as my 'mothers' house.

She gave me a sorrowful look.

Baths were my favorite thing in the world, ever since I was little. Very, very, hot baths, with extra bubbles and nice smelling candles. But I didn't like to take them alone, Amelia always took baths with me when I was younger. Addison also did, until she stopped coming over. I think she stopped when Derek left her. I never did get to say goodbye to the red head...But anyways. I think the last time me and Amelia took a bath together, I was twelve. That was also the last time I had seen her sober. And hey, don't judge me. I had been abused my whole life, Amelia was my big sister, and I her little. It wasn't anything the other hadn't seen before. We felt comfortable around each other, and I loved her more than anything. Plus, I was scared of water. It was one of many forms of punishment my great old mother used to love to use on me, and the sight of it would make me shriek unless someone was there expiriencing it with me.

"Are you okay, El?" She asked.

"Great." I lied.

She came around to me, and hugged me from behind. "I love you, Ellie Bellie."

I groaned of the use of the nickname. "I love you too, Mimi."

She groaned back, which made me laugh.

"So. Can we like, I don't know, go talk on the couch? Catch me up on your life." I offered.

"Sure thing. C'mon." She grabbed my hand and lead me to the couch.

We sat that way for a few hours, chatting about how her life had been for the three years I'd been gone, and how mine had gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Later on in the day, Meredith and Maggie got home. Amelia told me they all carpooled, usually, but not that day, which was actually ironic, seeing as that was the day I showed up. We'd been talking over dinner, and that's when the big question came.

"So, Royal, how come we don't know about you?" Maggie asked.

This question wasn't really meant for me, I couldn't help that Amelia hadn't said anything about me. I looked towards my sister, who'd stopped chewing.

She set her fork on her plate of spaghetti and shook her head. "You have to understand our past, before you can be upset that me and Derek never mentioned her."

"We're listening." Meredith said.

Amelia looked at me with a question in her eyes, and I can't read minds, but we both knew what she was asking. I nodded slowly, pushing my plate in front of me away.

"Royal was severely abused growing up in our mothers house." Amelia said softly. "We weren't made aware of it until she got older, and started showing signs of abuse. And even then, we couldn't do much about it. Ellie would clam up and be scared and wouldn't talk about it. Derek had plans on taking her out of the house when she was ten, he was working hard on it."

"I already knew him when she was ten? And even before then?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"She was a hard subject for us." Amelia said, grabbing for my hand. "A very hard subject, and when he told Addison, she was pretty disgusted with him for not having done anything sooner. He had to explain to her why he couldn't, and even then, she wasn't too happy with him. Neither of us could handle the judgement. I don't blame him whatsoever for not saying anything...anyways. At thirteen, our so called mother had told us that Ellie ran off and she couldn't figure out where she was."

I scoffed. "Of course she did."

Amelia bit her bottom lip. "We didn't know what happened. Derek and I, tried for a year to find her. It was impossible. And if we called the cops? All she was, was a runaway teenager, to them. We gave up. I regret that decision every day, that we gave up, but we had to. It was too painful to remember. So that's why we don't talk about her."

Tears began to swell in my eyes, my bottom lip quivering. I dropped Amelia's hand and covered my face with my hands. I sat up from my seat at the table and began to run up the stairs. I could hear my name being called by everyone at the table. I didn't want to cry. I hated crying. Growing up in my house, if I cried, it showed weakness and youth. You couldn't be weak growing up the way I did. Weak didn't fly in my home. I hadn't realized but the room I'd run into was Meredith's, a picture of Derek rested on her night table. I lifted it into my shaking hands and pressed it to my chest. I sobbed, and sobbed. I needed Derek. I needed him, and he wasn't here. Why did he have to die? Why did my big brother, of all people, have to die on me?

I had a brain tumor. My brother is dead, and I was-

"Royal?" The door opened softly, Amelia was standing in the doorway. Her eyes giving me a look of pity that I oh so despised.

"Why did he die?" I cried. "Why did he have to go and die?"

Amelia walked over to me and held me as I cried into her shoulder. "It was his time..."

"It wasn't!" I yelled. "It wasn't time for him to die. It wasn't. I need him, I need him now, Amy."

Amelia carressed my hair, and shushed me softly. "I know, I know, baby. I know."

"You don't know." I whispered softly, but she couldn't hear. "Nobody knows..."

"He loved you so much. And I'm sure, that if he could be here for you now, Ellie, he would be. He didn't ask to die." Amelia said. I could tell she was crying right along with me.

I curled into a ball and placed myself in her lap, I may have been taller than her, but I was still thinner and smaller in size, and still easily fit in my big sisters arms. I missed her hugs, and the way she held me. Not too tight, not too soft. Just strong enough. Like Derek. Derek always knew how to calm me down. Sometimes, I'd be so fed up with my life, I'd strike out. I'd throw things, scream at the top of my lungs till I made myself sick. He'd bundle me in his arms, and I'd fight him. Slap him, kick him, anything to get him off. But he was much stronger than I was, much stronger, and so he held me. Not angry that I was hitting him, not upset that I was upset. He was calm, his heart rate was slow, and when I'd calm down I'd put my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat and fall asleep to the even 'boom boom's'.

"I know." I croaked.

She sighed and kissed my forehead. "I love you, and I'm sorry he's not here for you. But I am. I'm not gone, and I'm not leaving you. You hear me? I'm here for you."

I looked up at her and nodded, my face puffy and red from tears. She kissed my cheek and rested her forehead against mine. "I love you, Amy."

"I love you more. Now come on...do you want to go finish dinner?"

I shrugged. "They probably think I'm crazy."

"No. That's the last thing they think of you, El." She rubbed my back. "No one thinks you're crazy."

I stared down at the floor. "You promise?"

"I promise." She reassured.

"Do you think Meredith would mind if I kept this?" I asked, showing Amelia the picture of Derek I'd been holding.

"How about we go ask?" She offered.

I stood up. "I guess."

I walked down the hallway slowly, holding my big brother in my hand.

Down the stairs, Meredith and Maggie were pacing the living room.

"Royal, I am so sorry!" Maggie apologized, grabbing me and wrapping her arms around me.

I was stunned by the show of affection, but I relaxed and wrapped my own around her as well. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault...I've not exactly grieved my brothers loss yet."

"Of course." She nodded in understanding.

"Meredith." I said, pulling away from Maggie. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course. Anything." She nodded, allowing me to ask my question.

"Would you mind if I held onto this?" I asked, showing her the picture of Derek.

She looked down at the picture and smiled. "Yeah. That's okay."

"It's just that, well I don't have a picture of him, and I get if you don't really want me to have it cause you can't have him anymore either but-"

She cut me off by hugging me too. It shut me up.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. I've got plenty of pictures of him. I've got my kids, when I look at them, I see Derek. That's all I need." She said.

"Do they have his eyes?" I asked.

"Yeah." She responded. "His beautiful blue eyes."

"Like a big sea of calm." I mumbled.

"That's exactly what they look like." She chuckled.

I took a deep breath. I felt comfortable, for a first time in a long time. Comfortable in the presence of what I could finally call my family. My sisters. I lost my brother, I deserved to gain two sisters. I deserved that.

"So, can we finish eating?" I ask. "I'm starving still."

"Good idea." Meredith let go of me.

So, all four of us walked to the table, and sat down with one another. Talking once again, about anything but Derek.

I may have cried, but I knew that inside of me, I was still pushing away so many different emotions. I couldn't let them slip again...that much I knew.


	5. Chapter 5

"She's just...holding it all in." I could hear Amelia say from outside our room.

It was the next morning, and I was half asleep, curled in a ball in the middle of the bed. I rubbed my eyes, trying to concentration on my sisters voice.

"You did just that." There was Meredith. "If you don't remember."

"I do. She...her, me, and Derek. All three of us never let anything out. Last night wasn't her grieving, that was her cracking. That's just a crack in the glass. I don't know how to shatter her. And she needs to be shattered." Amelia said.

That sounds harsh, but it wasn't wrong. If you let anything simmer in us for too long, when we 'shatter' it's so much worse than need be. But I didn't want to. I didn't want to believe it yet, that he was dead. I didn't want it to resonate. I needed Derek, I needed to tell him what happened to me. I needed him to be there for me, and now, now I don't know who to tell or what to do. I don't think I can tell Amelia...I just don't know who to turn to anymore.

"Find a way, it's not healthy." Meredith said. "What are you gonna do with her? She needs to be watched. I don't think it's safe for her to be home alone."

"She'll come to the hospital." Amelia replied.

I groaned into the pillow. I was in no way ready to get up and be up for the rest of the day. I hated mornings.

The door opened, and I lifted my head to show her I was awake.

"C'mon." She jumped on the bed, all smiles. "You need to come to the hospital with us."

I rubbed my eyes tiredly. "I need to shower."

"Well get your butt up, then, and go take one." She said. "If you don't have enough clothes just steal some from me."

I nodded in response and she left the room again, I presume to do the rest of her morning routine.

Sitting up, I did as she said, and went to her closet. When I packed I was emotional and crying, and it didn't really hit me that I'd probably need more than one pair of clothes. I took out some black jeans and some type of oversize sweater from her dresser and looked around. I went up and down each door trying to find the bathroom, and when I did, I stepped inside, and placed my clothes on the toilet seat. I cracked the door. I never shut the door when I showered, never. I may have been sixteen, but the shower still freaked me out. When I was sent away, I had to deal with taking one on my own, but I was never able to build up the courage to shut the door.

I turned on the water, and allowed it to heat up, and proceeded to undress quickly. I jumped into the shower, and shut the curtain tightly. Taking a sigh of relief that I was in the clear, I began to wash my hair. I hummed softly to myself. Usually singing or listening to a song in the shower made me less scared, and less likely to check the bathroom mid way to ensure I was alone.

Suddenly, I heard someone come in. My eyes widened, and then I heard a child's voice.

"Aunt Maggie, who's in the shower?"

I let my breath out, and grabbed my chest.

"That's Amelia's little sister." She responded. "Morning, Royal!"

"Uh. Morning." I responded meekly.

"Royal is a pretty name." I'm assuming this was Zola speaking, seeing as it was a girls voice, and Ellis was only one.

"Thank you." I smiled to myself.

"You're welcome!" It seemed she was used to talking to people through a shower curtain.

"Brush your teeth!" Maggie said, using a silly voice, I could hear Zola giggling.

I heard Amelia come in. "Okay Bailey, ready to do your hair?"

He didn't respond. I assumed he must have nodded.

"You know I am showering right?" I said.

"Right on!" Amelia said.

I rolled my eyes. I didn't care, though. The company was nice, I suppose.

"Okay, what's the hold up?" Meredith asked.

"Uhh, Ellie is showering." Maggie replied. "And Zola is brushing her teeth, and Bailey is getting his hair done by yours finest."

I didn't bother mentioning not to call me Ellie. If I was going to let Maggie and Meredith come in as my sisters, I needed to be somewhat leniant.

"Muah!" Amelia said sarcastically.

I chuckled lightly.

"Royal, cut your shower short. I'm running late, Zola, hurry up the brushing, and Amelia, he's four, he doesn't need to be model worthy." She then left.

I stuck out my tongue, in which no one could see, and then turned the water off. "Can someone hand me a towel?"

Someone threw the towel over the curtain, and I caught it. "Thanks, whoever you are."

Zola giggled.

I dried off quickly and grabbed my clothes from the seat, bringing them into the shower.

"Okay, so, who am I shadowing?" I asked.

"Well you could shower one of us..." Maggie offered. "I'm Cardio, you know what Amelia is, and Meredith does General."

"Eh." I crinkled my nose. "Anyone else I haven't met yet?"

"Well, you said you were looking into PEDS, right?" Amelia asked.

"Yeah." I responded, lifting my sweater over my very wet head.

"Why don't you follow around Alex Karev?" She offered. "He's PEDS, and if you're looking at Neonatal, you can follow Arizona."

"Neonatal?" I gasped. "That's so rare!"

"She's good at what she does. Learned from the best." Amelia agreed.

"I think I'll follow around the Alex guy." I slipped my jeans up my legs, and opened the curtain, hopping out and dried my hair quickly. "PEDS is my thing."

Meredith re-entered. "You wont have a thing if you don't get going! I'll take the kids to school, Maggie and Amelia, you're taking Ellis to daycare." She gathered Bailey in her arms, and took Zola's hand. "See ya!"

We waved goodbye, Maggie holding Ellis in her arms. "Alright then. Let's get on the road."

I ran down the stairs ahead of them, seeing as my shoes were by the front door and everyone else was already ready to go. I slipped them on quickly, Amelia and Maggie behind me, rushing me out the door.

* * *

When we got to the hospital, Maggie ran Ellis down to the daycare, and Amelia walked me to the attendings lounge. "So, you have your phone in case you get bored, right?"

"How could I get bored here?" I asked. "This is going to be my life, soon, Ames."

"Life here can get boring sometimes." She laughed, opening the door to the room.

Inside sat Jackson Avery, who was in the middle of getting dressed into his scrubs, a red head, and a blond.

"Hey, Baby Shepard." Jackson slipped his scrub top over his head.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't call me that, Mr Nobody."

"Hey." He scoffed.

I sent him a smile. "So. Ames. Where's this Alex guy?"

"Looking for Alex? Me too." The blond said. "Arizona Robbins. Who are you?"

"Amelia's little sister." I responded, sitting at the table and lifting my legs to my chest.

She sent Amelia a questioning stare, and Amelia proceeded to roll her eyes as she slipped off her top. "Later, Arizona."

"I'm April Kepner." She introduced herself, giving her hand for me to shake, in which I did.

"Royal Shepard." I responded. "Wait, are you the neonatal surgeon?"

"No. That's me." Arizona responded.

I grinned. "That's awesome. You, actually, are awesome."

She grinned back, sitting up and patting my shoulder. "I like her Amelia, she thinks I'm awesome."

"Oh yeah." Amelia laughed, sticking her white coat on over her scrubs. "She thinks lots of people are awesome."

"For the record, that's a lie." I whispered shouted. "I only think neonatal surgeons are awesome. Because seriously, that's amazing! Who did you learn under?"

"Dr. Herman. You heard of her?" She asked.

"Have I heard of her? My G-d I practically worship her!" I laughed. "The woman is amazing. I honestly wish I could have learned under her, before...well I'm sure you know."

She nodded solemnly. "How old are you?"

"Sixteen, second year in college." I responded. "Pre-med."

Her eyes widened in shock. "Child prodigy, we've got another Pierce."

My cheeks heated. "It's over rated. Anyways. Would it be okay if I shadowed you tomorrow? I kinda already said I'd shadow this Alex guy. Whenever he shows up..."

"How about we go look for him together?" She offered. "I need him for a consult, anyways."

I agreed. "Bye, Amy!"

"You come find me if you get a headache." She called after me.

"Will do." I yelled back.

"Why would you get a headache?" Arizona asked.

"Brain tumor." I responded.

She looked at me as though I was crazy for not having more emotion in my voice.

I groaned. "Listen, I don't want to delve into it, okay? They're gonna operate after radiation treatments, I should be alright."

"Okay." She nodded. "Alright. Listen, Alex can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, but he means well. You have a thick skin?"

"You could say that." I mumbled.

"Good. It'll come in use." She stuffed her fists in her pockets. "Oh, Alex!"

"What?" He asked, hands on his hips.

"This, is your shadow." Arizona smiled. "Meet Royal Shepard."

"Just cause she's Shepards niece or something doesn't make her royal." Alex crossed his arms.

"No, you misunderstood." I said. "My name is Royal, Royal Shepard, and I'm Amelia's little sister. Not her niece."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Shepard has a kid sister?"

I nodded.

"Okay. So why are you following me around?" He asked.

"I'm in Pre-med, and an aspiring PEDS surgeon. Show me the ropes?" I asked.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "How old are you? Twelve?"

"Sixteen." Arizona corrected. "Child prodigy type."

I rolled my eyes at the comment. "Okay let's get past the whole child prodigy crap."

"Fine. If you're gonna be my shadow, take this." He handed me a file. "Read over it. We've gotta go visit a patient."

I waved goodbye to Arizona, and went to catch up with Alex. I quickly skimmed the file. "Aw. A baby."

"A very, very, sick baby." He reminded. "You don't touch. You don't even breathe, you just watch. Got it?"

"Loud and clear." I sent him a thumbs up.

* * *

 **I'm thinking about adding in one shots from Royal's younger years with Derek and Amelia, just to see how their relationships with one another came out? Tell me what you think.**

 **-Sam**


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, Avery." Alex said to the woman standing next to one of the babies in the NICU.

I held the file in front of my stomach, holding it close to me.

"Doctor Karev." She smiled. "You look a little young to be a doctor?"

"Me? No, I'm not a doctor." I shook my head. "I'm in Pre-med though, I'm just shadowing Doctor Karev for the day."

"Oh. Okay." She nodded, seemingly okay with it. "How's my baby doing?"

"Well," Alex said, taking his stethoscope from his neck and sticking it in his ears. "her vitals are looking good. But she's still very sick, Avery. We'll need to operate tomorrow."

Avery bit down on her bottom lip, her eyes wet with tears. "You know...she's the best thing that came out of...my rape. The best thing...and it was all worth it to be able to look at her. A little piece of goodness that came from evil in this world. You have to save her, Doctor Karev. Please."

I felt the breath catch in my throat. It was hard to breathe, and I couldn't keep the tears from accumulating in my eyes.

"I'll try my hardest. She's strong, like her mother." Alex sent her a smile before walking away to leave.

But I couldn't walk with him. My feet were glued to the floor, and the tears spilled over my eyes.

"Hey, are you okay?" Avery asked me.

"Was she really worth it?" I mumbled through a hoarse voice. "Was she worth what happened to you?"

"Every ounce of her." Avery nodded. "Why? Did something happen to you?"

"Royal?" Alex asked, his voice obviously confused.

"I..." I began to hyperventilate. "I need to go..." I began to run. Running from my problems was so normal. I was a runner...me, Derek, Amelia. We were runners.

"Wait! I can help you!" Avery called out.

My right foot barely hit the floor before my left stomped down on it all the same. I didn't know where to run, I didn't know where to go. This hospital wasn't familiar to me. I didn't know who to tell. I didn't know who to go to. But I knew I needed to tell someone, because all of this pressure in my chest makes me feel like I'm going to explode. Like I'm ready to explode any minute, now. Like the words are just building in my diaphram, and if I open my mouth they'll spill everywhere. I came to Seattle, to this hospital, not just because of my brain tumor, because truthfully any hospital can deal with that. I came hear to tell Derek what happened to me. I came here for Derek to listen, and help me sort out my problems, I'd convinced myself that Derek would be the best option, and now? Now Derek is dead, and I can't tell Amelia. She'll cry, and I'll cry. Derek wouldn't cry. He'd keep a calm face, and a calm heart rate, and I would be calm and we'd talk it out.

I need calm.

Looking to my right, the hallway was filled with gurneys. I took my chances and climbed under one, bringing my knees to my chest to find a place in my head where I could convince myself to breathe normally. In...out. In...out.

"Royal?" That was Alex.

I hadn't planned on answering, but I knew if I didn't, he'd tell Amelia, and she'd worry and that wasn't good. "Yeah."

He bent down, looking under the gurney. "What happened back there?"

"I'm not coming out." I said. "But you're welcome to come in."

He sighed, stepping under the gurney with me, compressed tightly in a ball. "I'm a grown man, you've got an unfair advantage under these things."

I rested my chin on my knees, ignoring him.

"What happened back there?" He asked. "You got all weird when she mentioned she was raped. Are you like, the product of rape or something?"

"No." I shook my head.

He looked at me expectantly.

"If I tell you, you need to promise me that you won't tell Amelia. I came to Seattle to talk to Derek about it, and Derek is dead, and he always keeps his calm, so you need to promise to keep yours too."

"Hit me." He said, trying to shift his weight.

"I'm college...and because I'm in college, I wanted to do college things." I said, twiddling my thumbs.

"Right? Did you have like, tons of sex?"

I sent him daggers.

"Okay. Sorry. G-d. What, are you a virgin?"

"No." I said. "But I'm not a slut."

"I never said you were a slut. I had tons of sex in college, people aren't calling me a slut."

"You're a man." I rolled my eyes. "Anyways. I went to a party...which I never do. I hate alcohol. Growing up I saw Amelia drunk, a lot, and it completely turned me off. I hate even being around it. Drugs, anything that can contort the way you act. But I was in college. My freshman year, I didn't do it, but...I dunno. I was just compelled."

"Okay?"

"Someone gave me a drink. I thought it was soda, let's just say it was definitely not soda." I began to get nervous, and my palms were getting clammy. "I think it had drugs in it, or something. Cause I...passed out. And when I got up...when I got up someone was on top of me. Doing...things."

"Oh, shit." Alex muttered. "That's why you clammed up."

"I was raped." I blurted out. "And he didn't use protection. I didn't go to the hospital. I was scared...I ran. I ran here."

"Are you pregnant?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well." He sighed. "I can...do a check up."

"That sounds like you're playing doctor." I looked up at him, my eyebrows high. "I don't want you examining me."

"You were about to let your brother."

"He's my brother." I scoffed. "My big brother, that used to give me baths, and change my diapers. You're just a stranger, who has not only just met me, but has never seen me naked. No way in hell."

"If you'd let me, I can explain it to Arizona, and have her do it, then." Alex said. "But it needs to be done. It's bad enough you've showered and waited this long."

"I know." I rolled my eyes. "I know I shouldn't have waited...and I wouldn't have if-"

"If Derek hadn't gone and died." He said for me.

"Yeah."

"I'm paging Arizona." Alex said, flipping out his phone. "Are you ready for this?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

Alex struggled to get out from under the gurney, but succeded. "Need a hand?"

I easily crawled out. "No. I don't."

He shrugged it off. "Let's go, kid. We'll meet her in the OBGYN wing."

"Does she know how to do this?" I ask nervously.

"Yeah, pretty much most doctors do." He responded. "It's not a complicated procedure...you know Amelia could do it for you."

"No." I said sternly.

"What, she's never given you baths or changed your diapers?" He raised an eyebrow.

"She used to bathe with me for years." I crossed my arms. "That's not my problem."

"What is then?"

"She can't know." I said. "She can't know I was raped."

"If you're pregnant you have to tell her, Royal." He said.

"We'll cross that road when we get to it." I sighed.

He scratched his head, looking at me. I didn't bother looking back, I just continued ahead to the exam room Alex was leading me to.

Once there, Alex threw a gown at me and told me to change, and that he'd wait outside.

So I did just that, and once done, Arizona walked in. "So. You need a vaginal exam?"

I cringed at the word 'vaginal', it made it sound serious.

"And a blood test for pregnancy." Alex popped his head in before shutting the door again.

"You heard the man." I sighed, getting up on the table.

"Should I page Amelia? You'll want someone here to hold your hand. Some of it will be kind of painful." Arizona said.

"No!" I said. "No. She can't know about this, and you're not going to tell her."

"So what happens when you're pregnant?" Arizona crossed her arms.

"That's what I said!" Alex yelled through the door.

"I know how to deal with my sister, Arizona. Please, just do it, and get it over with would you?" I rolled my eyes.

Arizona went over to the sink, and began to scrub her hands, then proceeding to stick gloves on. "Can you lift your legs into the stirrups, and slide down on your back?"

I groaned, doing as she said and looking up at the ceiling.

She began to do whatever it is she needed to be done, and I groaned in pain. "Ow!"

"My G-d." She muttered. "It's all torn up in there."

"Thanks." I spat. "It'd be great if you'd stop touching them!"

"Do you want me to stop?" She asked, looking up from in between my legs.

I glared at her and threw my head back. "Continue."

I was thankful when she was finished, and then proceeded to draw my blood. "I feel like I know you so well now." She smiled at me.

"Oh yeah. That's the way to get to know someone." I rolled my eyes.

"I was being sarcastic." She said.

"Yeah I could tell."

"Hey. Don't be snarky with me, I just stuck my hand in you. A thank you would be nice."

"I'm so sorry it hurt you emotionally to give me a Gyno exam." I put on a pouty face.

She gave me a look. "I'll send these to the labs, tell them to rush it. After that, just continue to go around with Alex. I'll find you when they're in."

* * *

Me and Alex were getting a bite to eat, and I was stealing his fries from him when Arizona walked up to us. She sat down across from me, and leaned in close. "I've got some bad news."

"You're pregnant."

* * *

 **Aaand we find the real reason why Royal showed up.**

- **Sam**


	7. Chapter 7

"You have to tell her." Alex said.

"I know!" I yelled, pacing the floor of the attendings lounge. "I know what I have to do, when I have to do it. I'm not an idiot. I'm actually very intelligent, so stop saying I'm an idiot!"

"I never said you were an idiot." Alex defended himself.

"I know you didn't!" I groaned. "Just. Stop talking. Let me think."

"There's nothing to think about. Amelia will be in here any second to take you home. You need to tell her."

"I'll tell her when the time is right." I said, tensing my arms next to my sides. "I'll tell her tonight, where she's calm. I don't want her to be angry."

"She sure as hell is going to be angry if you don't say something!" Alex said emphatically.

"Say what?"

I turned around, my eyes wide. "PEDS is definitely the specialty I want."

"Why would I be angry over that?" Amelia laughed, closing the door behind her, and opening the closet.

"I dunno. Why would she be angry, Alex?" I raised an eyeberow.

His face turned stony, and he stormed out of the room.

"Well," Amelia raised her eyebrows at me, stripping of her scrubs shirt. "his panties are in a twist."

A small smile came to my lips. "Yeah, I guess so."

"He's got mood swings." She chuckled to herself, grabbing her shirt and slipping it over her head. "Like a teenage girl."

I chewed my bottom lip. The one sided tension was murderous, and it was a heavy feeling, so heavy I was scared it was going to crush me.

"I'm so excited to go home tonight." Amelia sighed in relief, taking out her pony tail and shaking her waves out. "Take a hot bath, light a few candles, listen to music. You're welcome to join me."

"Isn't it getting weird, now that I'm sixteen?"

"No." Amelia furrowed her eyebrows at me. "You're my baby sister, I could care less. We did it all the time."

"I was twelve..." I mumbled. "The last time."

"I remember." Amelia responded, pulling her jeans up her legs. "Are you okay? You seem upset about something? It's like, radiating off of you..."

"Nothing major." I shrugged. "Can we just...talk when we go home?"

"Suuure?" Amelia said questioningly. "I guess so. Let's go, I'm ready."

I sat up, my hand resting on my belly. She walked ahead and I stared down at my abdomen. A baby was growing in there, and I had to tell Amelia.

* * *

Once home, Amelia took me up to her room, where she began to change into her pajamas. I sat on our bed, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for her to rest and be ready to stop for the night. Finally, wearing a tshirt and leggings, she collapsed on our bed on her stomach, facing me. "So whats up, little sis?"

"If I tell you, you can't be angry." I mumbled.

Amelia's eyebrows furrowed. "Why would I get angry, Ellie?"

I breathed out slowly. "Okay. There's no possible way to sugar coat this. I'm pregnant."

Amelia's face turned hard. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting tears, maybe some disappointment. She looked down right pissed off. "Royal Shepard, you are not pregnant." She got up from her stomach, and sat on her legs.

I bit my bottom lip. "I am. I'm pregnant...it's why I came to Seattle. It's why I came looking for Derek. Not my tumor."

"You know," Amelia shook her head, "I always thought you were the sensible Shepard. You made good decisions. You didn't get drunk like me, take drugs like me. You weren't a follower like our older siblings, you didn't get married to a woman that would then cheat on you. You were sensible, and just, and always right. I'm such a shitty judge of character, because obviously, you've made a huge mistake."

"I didn't ask to get pregnant!" I said, my voice raising.

"No but you sure as hell spread your legs." She yelled back.

"Maybe if you wouldn't jump to conclusions, and start yelling at me, and tell me I'm stupid, then you'd know, that I didn't spread my fucking legs!"

"How else do you think a guy gets in your pants, Royal?" Amelia stood on two feet. "You're sixteen! You're a teenager. Do you know what danger that baby is in? With the radiation therapies you'll have to go through, and the all around pain of a teenage pregnancy? Shit, Royal. Look what you've done."

I also stood on both feet, we're now equals on this floor. "At least I didn't pass out on my bathroom floor overdosing from drugs! You're right. I am the sensible Shepard."

Amelia was so angry, you could practically see steam emanating from her ears. She turned, hot on her heels, and ran out. She ran to the bathroom. Suddenly I saw Meredith appear at the door frame. "Hey, what's with the screaming? I just put the kids to bed."

"My sister is an asshole." I responded, walking past her and towards the bathroom door. "And for your information, I was raped. I didn't spread my legs. It's not my fault I woke up to some strange man thrusting himself into me while I cried and begged him to stop."

I could feel everyone pause. I saw Meredith stop in her steps, staring at me in confusion. But I sensed that Amelia paused. I could sense that Maggie probably heard and was stunned. "So, yes, Amelia. I'm pregnant with the product of rape."


	8. Chapter 8

_Royal's age: 6_

 _Amelia was babysitting for Royal at Derek's house, he had her for the week, because Royal had called in a panic. Her mother had locked her in her room, with no food or water, for two days, and she'd remembered the phone Derek had given her for emergencies, and quickly called him. He'd come, pushed his mother out of the way, told her he'd be taking her until she could see herself fit to feed the kid. Royal was happy to be at home with Derek and Addison. Amelia visited occasionally, when she wasn't high or drunk, and Royal loved it. Amelia was her favorite person, other than Derek, and she loved having her with her._

 _So that day in particular, Derek and Addison were at work, and Amelia and her were in the kitchen. Amelia was trying to make Royal lunch, but Royal would interrupt her to ask the strangest questions, usually they were amusing and Amelia would laugh at her sisters silliness. But what she wasn't expecting, was what came out of her sisters mouth next._

 _"Do you love me, Amelia?"_

 _Her eyes widened in surprise, she dropped the knife she'd been spreading her sisters peanut butter and jelly with and turned around sharply. "Of course. Why would you ask me that, Baby?"_

 _Royal shrugged, her face a sad face. "Mommy doesn't love me."_

 _Amelia sighed, and walked over to her little sister, cupping her cheeks. "You're right. Mommy doesn't love you. I'm not gonna tell you that she does, and you wanna know why?"_

 _"Why?" Royal mumbled, her cheeks squished up from Amelia's hands._

 _"Because you need to know what real love is." Amelia said to her baby sister. "That's not love. But me, Derek, and Addie? We love you. So much, Baby. We love you more than ourselves. And I am so sorry we can't help more...I'm so sorry that mommy hurts you. I'm sorry mommy doesn't love you. But I love you, sweet girl. I love you."_

 _"Derek too? And Addie?" Royal asked._

 _"Them too." Amelia kissed her sisters cheek softly. "Them too, Baby."_

 _Royal wrapped her lanky arms around her sister and held her close. "I love you too, Amy."_

 _"What do you say we eat lunch now, Babes?" Amy asked softly._

 _"Yeah!" Royal's mood completely changed, and a wave of joy came over her. "Let's eat lunch!"_

* * *

I had allowed Maggie to go all maternal, and hold me on her bed while I cried. I'd cried three times the amount in the two days I'd been here than I did in four years. But I was. I was crying, sobbing actually. Because I needed my big sister to hold me and tell me she'd be there for me and everything would be okay. I needed her to hold me and comfort me and tell me we'd figure things out, together. Instead, she jumps to conclusions and screams at me like I'm three. I am not three, and this certainly wasn't my fault. Although, Amelia obviously had other opinions...My breathing had slowed, and I'd shut my eyes, hoping to give off the effect I was sleeping, and it had. But I was also hoping that would make Maggie leave and allow me some time to myself to collect my thoughts, but it did the exact opposite of what I was hoping. I could hear Meredith and Amelia's conversation make it's way into Maggie's room, I guess you could say I was eavesdropping but it was completely their fault.

"I am such an awful sister." Amelia mumbled to herself.

"No, but you allowed your emotions get to the better of you." Meredith corrected. "You need to tell her about Unicorn Baby."

"I..." Amelia sighed. "I don't know if I can, Mer."

What in the hell was a unicorn baby, anyways?

"She needs to understand why you wigged out on her. She wont if you don't tell her, she just sat in my arms and cried for an hour." Maggie said pointedly.

It wasn't really an hour...was it?

"This is the first time I've made her cry in years." Amelia said. "The first time...she saw me on the bathroom floor in a pool of my own vomit and...when I sobered up I promise I wouldn't make her cry again. Look what I've done..."

It's true, she had.

"Wake her up, apologize profusely, tell her about the baby, and apologize again." Meredith said, and I heard feet shuffle to my side of the bed.

"What if she hates me?" Amelia asked.

"She wont hate you." Meredith and Maggie chorused quietly, hoping not to awaken me until Amelia felt sure of herself.

"But what if she does?" Amelia asked again.

I rolled my eyes, although she couldn't see, and sat up. "I don't hate you, Amelia!"

Everyone gasped, surprised that I'd been listening.

I sighed. "I've been listening, sorry, but I'm really not that sorry. Amy, I don't hate you. I could never, would never hate you. You're my sister. I don't have room for hatred in my heart when it comes to you, there's this thing called unconditional love, you know? I'm angry with you, Amelia. Very angry with you, and rightly. You didn't have the right to yell at me. It wasn't my fault...it wasn't my fault...right?"

Shit. Tears began to prickle at my eyes and I wanted so badly to push them back.

Amelia took a step forwards and wrapped me in her arms the way she always does when I'm overwhelmed and upset. She wrapped me in her arms and held me close. "Of course not, Ellie. I am so sorry I said that to you. It's not your fault...it was never your fault."

She's referring to the many times I was raped as a child. My mother very offen sold me to men, to get pocket cash. She was a vile, vile woman, and I always blamed myself for it.

I didn't cry, I absolutely would not allow myself to cry. "G-d, Amy. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing to me. It's my fault I screamed at you...and I need to tell you why I did it. I need to be honest with you."

Maggie and Meredith left the room quickly, and Amelia pulled me closer to her so we were laying on the bed side by side. My head resting on her chest, and she played with my tangled hair. "A few years ago...I had a baby."

I gasped lightly. "You did?"

"And he didn't-" She took a shaky breath, "he didn't survive, because he wasn't born with a brain. He lived for a few minutes."

"Oh my G-d, Amy. I'm so sorry. That must have been horrible." I hugged her tightly, wrapping my arms around her stomach.

"It was." She mumbled. "I don't want to go through that again. I didn't want you to go through that, Ellie...I was so mad. I was so angry you were going to have a baby so young, because I know what can happen when you're so young, and your body just isn't ready yet. I mean, you're barely going through puberty."

My cheeks heated up, I wasn't sure what she meant by that, because I'd pretty much have everything happen to me that came along with puberty, but okay.

"I'm sorry, Amy. I'm sorry I scared you...but...y'know I met this woman at the hospital. She was raped, and her baby is very ill. She told me that her baby was the most amazing thing that ever happened to her. A piece of good from a piece of evil...maybe she's right. Maybe...maybe this baby will be a piece of good from a piece of evil." I looked up at my sister, who was clearly very upset.

"Are you sure you're ready to be a mother, El?"

"Am I sure? No. I'm not. But I refuse to abort it, or give it away. This is my baby, Amy. A little human is growing in my uterus. Let me have this piece of good." I mumbled.

She nodded her head slowly, kissing my head. "I love you, and I'll be here every step of the way, even if that means keeping the baby. But you need to know, that it'll be complicated with the radiation therapies. You're very lucky it's in the brain, and not anywhere closer to your uterus."

I nodded. "I know I'm lucky. I know it'll be tricky...but I want this."

She sighed lightly. "Okay."

I grinned. "I love you, Amy."

"I love you too, Ellie." She smiled back. "And I'm sorry that this happened to you. Did you report it to the college?"

I shook my head. "No. I...I can't go back there, Amelia. No way in hell can I go back there."

"We'll figure it out." She mumbled. "I'll call the college. We'll do something about this, El."

I bit down on my bottom lip. "I don't wanna press charges, Ames."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, El." She responded, carressing my head.

* * *

 **I've decided I'm definitely going to add in flashbacks to Royal's childhood in the beginning of every chapter, so expect those from here on out!**

 **-Sam**


	9. Chapter 9

_Royal's age: 5_

 _"Addison, I have a question." Royal asked._

 _Addison was washing the girls head with shampoo. She raised her eyebrows. "Shoot."_

 _"What if my spleen was in my skull?" Royal looked up at the redhead in anticipation._

 _Addison laughed. "Why are you asking me that?"_

 _"Because. Derek was talking about how nothing can be in your head except for your brain, but how come? What if my spleen was in your head instead of your brain?" Royal crossed her arms, splashing water up at Addison, not on purpose._

 _Addison flinched as the water hit her face. She wiped it off with her sleeve. "That's a great question, Baby, but why your spleen? Why not your heart?"_

 _"Because Derek did a spleen-eck-omy, Addie." Royal responded as though it was common knowledge._

 _"Ah, yes. A spleen-eck-omy." Addison chuckled. "Tilt your head back, let me wash out this shampoo."_

 _Royal obliged. "Well, what's the answer, Addie?"_

 _Addison sighed, washing out the girls hair. "Well, it wouldn't work in your head. You'd need surgery to remove it."_

 _"Like a spleen-eck-omy?" Royal asked._

 _"No. That means you remove it from your body, you'd just need to put it back where it belongs." Addison responded._

 _"Oh right!" Royal nodded. "It's under your boob."_

 _Addison gave her wide eyes. "Why do you know that word?"_

 _"Amy told me!" Royal giggled. "I ask her how come I didn't have them, and she told me I will when I'm bigger. I don't really want them though, they look like they hurt."_

 _Addison shook her head, she'd have to talk to Amelia about that later. "They don't hurt, Baby."_

 _Royal wiped her eyes as Addison began to apply condition her locks. "So what does a spleen do, anyways?"_

 _"It filters your blood." Addison responded. "You're just full of questions, babes."_

 _Royal nodded excitedly. "Derek told me I should always ask questions, because it means that my brain is always thinking!"_

 _"Yeah. Your brain runs a mile a minute, I don't think we need to worry about you never thinking." Addison joked._

 _Royal giggled._

* * *

Amelia had just told me that my first dose of radiation would be in the next week, and of course it crushed me. I hated remembering I had two things growing in my body that wanted two very different out comes. One, wanted death. The other, wanted life. I wanted life. I wanted my baby, what I didn't want, was the brain tumor. So I knew that radiation had to happen, I knew there was no two ways around it. I knew I had to go through the pain to get through to the end.

She'd had a rough day at work, and so we were sitting together on our bed. She was sipping on a bottle of who knows what, and I was putting lotion on my legs. My white towel was tightly wrapped around my body, and my soaking wet hair dripped down my back. I'd taken a shower before the news.

"You wanna lotion my legs, too?" Amelia asked me with begging eyes.

I groaned, slouching. "For real?"

"Don't you love me?" She asked sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. "Well when you do that to me I have to do it."

So I took my tub of lotion and sat in front of Amelia's legs, and put some in my hands, rubbing it between my palms before applying it to my sisters calf. "Ames, can I ask you a question?"

She looked up at me from her book. "Sure thing, babes."

"Where's Addison?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Why are you thinking about Addison?"

I shrugged. "Dunno...It's just. She was like my mom, when I was little, and then Derek kinda just up and left her after she cheated and I never heard anything from her...I miss her sometimes."

Amelia nodded. "I'm sorry, Ellie. I don't think I realized how attached you were to her."

"It's alright. But do you know?"

"L.A." She responded honestly. "She works for a private practice."

I snorted. "Seriously? That's so not Addison in the slightest."

"True." She chuckled.

"Did she...come down when Derek died?" I mumbled.

Amelia nodded slowly. "Yeah...she did."

I chewed on my tongue as I moved on to her other leg.

"Are you like, wanting to talk to her?" Amelia asked. "Cause I can make that happen?"

"I dunno. I haven't really seen her since I was seven, y'know? Who knows if she'd want to talk to me anyhow." I shrugged.

"Of course she does." She flipped out her phone. "Addison loves you, kid. I've always told you that. That hasn't changed, you know."

"How do you know?" I asked.

"When you went missing, Derek literally went to Addison first." Amelia responded. "He was scared you'd ran away to Addison, somehow...she helped trying to find you. She didn't want to give up. She was so invested in trying to find you, El. More invested in it than us. She really was upset when we stopped looking. I'm upset we stopped looking. You could've been dead in a ditch."

"Depends on how drunk mom was that night." I said bitterly. "You're right, about one thing, though. I probably could have been dead in a ditch."

Amelia sighed. "I hate her. So much. I hate her for what she did to you."

I nodded in agreement. "You and me both, sis."

She began to type something into her phone. "I'm gonna make an appointment, tell her that she needs to come down for a very special case...we'll surprise her. How about it?"

I chewed on my lip. "Sure...while she's here, maybe she can give me an ultrasound?"

Amelia smiled in my direction. "That's a great idea, El."

"So I need to ask you a question." I said, putting the lotion away and going to grab some clothes from Amelia's dresser.

She looked up at me, her eyebrow raised.

I took out a t-shirt and a pair of leggings and threw it on the bed. "Why wont you make things better with Hunt?"

She sighed, clearly upset with the topic. "He wants kids. I don't. He wont compromise."

"That's not compromising." I said. "That's giving into what you want."

"I have to give an ultimatum." She mumbled. "Me...or his need for a baby."

I frowned. "Amy, you love him, he loves you. I know what happened to you must have killed you. I'm sure of it. And I'm sorry, Ames. But why lose someone you love over something like that?"

She sighed. "It did kill me...I don't think I honestly ever fully recovered from it, El. It hurts, still, to think about it. I'm not ready."

"Tell him you're not ready." I said, beginning to get dresser. "Tell him that, rather than just avoiding his very existence."

She huffed, staring at me. "When did you get so big?"

"When I got shipped off to Canada." I responded, slipping my shirt over my head, and flopping on the bed next to me.

"Ellie, promise we wont fight again?"

I looked up to her, and grabbed her hand. "I wish I could. Just doesn't work that way, but I promise not to try and start one, if you do?"

"Yeah. I do." She agreed.

"Alright. So, we've got a deal." I smiled. "I'm going to the hospital with you tomorrow, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"No reason." I shrugged. "I've just got someone I need to see..."


	10. Chapter 10

_Royal's age: 12_

 _Royal had just endured a long beating from her mother after she sprayed her down with water in the backyard. Never, did she ever, feel like death was creeping up on her. But that day, she felt like it was. It was a new feeling, and she wasn't scared. She wanted to die, for the first time, she begged a G-d, if there was one, to off her right then and there. Naked and afraid, in the tall grass of the backyard. Just let her die, and she'd thought she'd felt herself slip away. That was, until she heard Derek screaming her name. "Royal! Royal! Don't you dare, don't you dare slip away from me, do you hear me?"_

 _She tried to speak, but her voice caught in her throat and she began to cough._

 _"Okay, okay." He cooed, picking her up bridal style. "Okay, baby, it's okay. I'm gonna take you to the hospital."_

 _"No." She sputtered. "No hospital, Der, no hospitals."_

 _"Ellie, you could have passed out and your heart could have stopped. You need a hospital." He murmured to her, running her to his car._

 _"No." She began to cry. "Please take me home. Take me to your house, Der, please. Let me die in your arms, Der."_

 _"Stop that!" He said, placing her in his back seat. "Stop. You're not dying today, Royal. No way in hell will I let you die."_

 _She began to cry. "I want to die, Derek! Let me die! Let me die, Derek!"_

 _Derek began to tune out her pleas for death as he drived her to the nearest hospital to get her checked out._

 _The news came back with that she was severely dehydrated, and she was severely bruised. Derek had explained the girls home life, and that he was working hard on getting custody of her. In fact, they had a court date in a few weeks. The doctor said he'd only give him back to Derek if he promised to keep Royal with him, and Derek did indeed promise. So an IV and several ice packs later, Royal was sent home with Derek in hospital clothes, since she'd come with none._

 _"Der, I'm dirty." She mumbled, her voice hoarse._

 _"It's okay. We can get you a bath." He said, patting her hand._

 _She felt tears stream down her cheeks. "Why does mom want to kill me?"_

 _Derek felt his eyes water. "I don't know, baby. I don't know."_

 _She tried to make herself comfortable in the seat, but to no avail. Most of her body was bruised and beaten and she felt like she'd never feel better again._

 _Once at the house, Derek unloaded his sister in his arms and took her inside. "Do you want to take a shower?"_

 _"No!" Royal said, pleading with Derek. "No, please. Bath...don't leave me. Please, Derek don't make me do it alone."_

 _Derek pressed his sister closer to him. "Okay. I'm not going to leave you, El. I promise."_

 _"Forever?" She mumbled into his shoulder as they reached to the bathroom._

 _"Forever, El."_

* * *

"Remember, you come find me if you're feeling sick." Amelia said to me, but I was already half way out the door.

"Will do!" I called back.

I needed to find Hunt, and talk some real sense into the man. My sister needed to be happy, and Hunt made her happy.

Finally, I'd found my way to the E.R. and began poking around. That's when I saw my red headed brother in law pass by me, tablet in hand, he was typing fast, so it must have been something important.

"Hunt!" I said.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. "Oh, hey, Ellie. You alright?"

"I'm fine, but I need to talk to you." I responded. "Is that okay?"

"Sure." He gave me a smile. "Come on, I was gonna go get something to eat anyways, I've been here all night."

I began to follow him up to the cafeteria.

"So what's so important?" He asked.

"I need you to go to Amelia and tell her just how much you absolutely love her." I said.

He stopped in his tracks, spinning on his heels to look at me. "What?"

"I can't tell you why...why she's angry." I said. "Just please, do what I said. She's hurting, bad. And she needs you, Hunt. So please, tell my sister how much you love her, and how much you don't want to lose her."

He sighed. "You can call me Owen you know."

"I know, but I prefer calling you Hunt. Now stop avoiding the conversation."

"Fine. I'll do it." He responded. "Okay?"

I grinned. "Good job, Hunt. Good job. Listening to me pays well."

He chuckled, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Let's go eat something, shall we?"

"We shall." I smiled, today was going to be a good day.

* * *

That night, Alex was at the house crashing the couch, and Owen and Amelia were upstairs hashing it out. I was proud of myself, I'm not going to lie.

Suddenly, the ceiling above of us banged and we heard laughs. I smiled, "I'm a good sister."

"Shhh." Alex shushed me. "I'm trying to hear them."

"You're disgusting." I shoved him, laughing. "Can you make me popcorn?"

"Do you not have two legs?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of course I do, I just would prefer not to use them." I responded.

"No."

"I have a brain tumor, and I'm pregnant." I crossed my arms.

He groaned. "Why do you always do that?" He stood and began to make me my snack.

I smiled to myself. "I'll always hold it over your head."

"Still? Once the tumor is gone and your baby is born?" Alex asked.

"Maybe not then, I suppose." I shrugged. "Might as well make it last while I can, right?"

"Sure, kid. Sure."


	11. Chapter 11

_Royals age: 13_

 _Unbeknownst to the three Shepard siblings, today would be the very last day both Derek and Amelia would see their baby sister. For Derek? Forever. For Amelia? For the next three years. It was her birthday, they wanted to make it special. She was, after all, a teenager this year._

 _The two decided on going out to dinner, and then go to the park for awhile. Royal loved the park._

 _The morning came, and Amelia came to wake up her little sister. Royal was sprawled out on her bed, snoring softly. Her arms spread out, hands hanging over the edges. Her legs mimicked her arms. Her face was turned softly to the right side, and the blanket had fallen off of the bed. Amelia smiled softly at the sight and came up next to her sister. She wiped the hair from her face and kissed her cheek, "Hey, sweet pea."_

 _Royal's eyes fluttered open softly. She took a deep breath and closed them once more. "Hi, sis."_

 _"Good morning, babes." She smiled, sitting next to her. She lifted her shirt and began to rub her warm back. Royal always loved when Amelia rubbed her back, it made her feel safe, and loved._

 _"'Mornin." She responded._

 _"Happy thirteenth birthday." Amelia said._

 _Royal grinned, sitting up excitedly. "It's my birthday!"_

 _Amelia laughed as Royal engulfed her in her tiny arms. "It's my birthday, Ames! I totally forgot."_

 _"Of course. You of all people would forget your birthday." Amelia said, holding Royal in place on her lap._

 _Royal's arms were wrapped around Amelia's neck. "What are we gonna do today, Ame?"_

 _"Well first things first we're getting you to my place." She responded. "We'll spend the day all together, and then we're gonna go out to eat, and then to the park."_

 _Royal smiled. "I love the park."_

 _"And we love you, which is why we're taking you there." Amelia smiled, poking her sisters nose. "Now go get dressed, we're gonna head out as soon as you're ready."_

 _Roya didn't waste time, she sprinted off of her dinky bed and ran to her closet. There she pulled out a frayed pair of skinny jeans, and an old t-shirt that Derek had given her. It was much too big, but she loved it. It smelled like him._

 _"Can we go now?" She begged._

 _Amelia smiled. "Of course, babes. Let's go."_

 _And off they went._

 _Their last moments together were in Amelia's apartment. Royal was sprawled out across Derek, her cheek against his chest as he rubbed her back. Amelia was sitting across from them as they were talking._

 _"We love you, Ellie." Derek said. "We love you more than the world."_

 _"I know." Royal responded with a smile. "I love you guys too."_

 _Derek kissed his sisters head. "Soon, El, I'll have you in my hands. Just hold out a little bit longer, you hear me?"_

 _Royal nodded. "I hear you, Der."_

 _Amelia looked down at her watch. "We may have to bring you back now, El."_

 _"Okay." She mumbled. "Can yuo come see me tomorrow?"_

 _"Hopefully, babes." She responded._

 _Royal sat up from her brother, and Derek sat up as well. The truth was, neither of them would be seeing Royal the next day, because Royal would not be home._

The last place I wanted to be was in this hospital, in a gown, with a big plastic covering over my face. I felt claustrophobic, like I couldn't breathe. I felt for my stomach which was covered by something to keep the radiation from reaching my baby, and harming it. "Okay, Ellie. We're starting." Said Amelia.

"Got it." I responded.

Oh G-d this was horrifying and terrible and awful and why do these things happen to me?

"I'm scared." I blurted out, my heart racing.

"Do you want to be pulled out?" Amelia asked, worry laced in her words.

"No." I mumbled. "Can you talk to me before I start crying?"

"Addison is coming today." She tried to sound cheerful. "She doesn't realize what she's in for..."

I gulped. "That makes me more nervous. Something else, Ames."

"Me and Hunt are better now." She said.

I smiled. "Yeah. That's good, I'm really happy you're happy, Amy...does that mean you're gonna go back to live with him?"

"I want you to come." She said. "We've got a guest room. You can come with me, he's a good guy, El."

"I know." I responded. "I know he is...are you sure you want a teenager around all the time, though?"

"I love you, El. You come before anyone, that includes Owen." Her voice became serious. "You know that right?"

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"Good."

That was the end of the conversation. I shut my eyes tightly, took a shaky breath, and let the rest of this treatment take it's course.\

When it was finally done, I thanked the heavens, and sat up on the table. Amelia wrapped me in her arms, and held my head close to her chest. I smiled, taking a big whiff of her perfume. It smelled like apples, she always smelled like apples. It was comforting, and reminded me of when we were younger.

"Addison has just arrived." She said. "She's in neonatal right now, are you okay to see her?"

I tensed, was I okay? "Maybe."

She cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead. "Let's go see."

I grabbed her hand and together we left the room.

I was about to see the red head for the first time in years...Addison was pretty much my mom when I was younger. Many times I'd called her mom on accident, and braced myself from fear that she may hit me. When I was younger I couldn't distinguish between my mother and my family. I thought, maybe, they'd treat me like my mother treated me, and they would come to hate me too. It wasn't until later I was okay in the fact that I knew my siblings loved me and would never hurt me the way my mother had been.

When we made it to the neonatal wing, Amelia lead me into an exam room. "Addie?"

"Ame-" Addison pulled the curtain back, her eyes landed on me. She was searching my face for awhile, before gasping, a pained look on her face. Her hands came to her face and tears sprang in her green eyes. "Baby!"

I grinned. "Hey, Addie."

She grabbed me rather quickly and pulled me close to her tightly, giving me little to no room to breathe. "Oh, Baby. Oh my G-d. What happened to you, where were you?"

"Canada?" I responded lightly.

"Oh my G-d." I could feel the sigh of relief she breathed. "Oh my G-d I thought you were dead."

I nodded, a soft smile on my lips. "It's okay. I'm okay..."

She wrapped her palm against my head and held me softly against her chest. I could tell she was crying, but tears of joy, or sadness, I was unsure.

"I love you, Baby." She mumbled. "I'm sorry I was never able to tell you that again...I miss you every day, and I worried so much about you. I was so scared for you."

"I was alright." I hugged her tighter. "I was in a boarding school...I'm in college now. I graduated early. I'm okay, Addie. I'm okay."

She pulled away, looking down at me. "You're so grown up."

I smiled. "I know."

"How about we go home, and get some lunch?" Amelia offered.

"That's a good idea." I nodded.

Addison took a shaky breath. "Yeah, let's do it."

Amelia smiled at me, grabbing my hand. "Alright. Let's go!"

* * *

 **Sorry for the length, or lack thereof! I had to get a chapter out quickly, because I hadn't posted for awhile, so I hope you enjoy this small snippet. I hope to continue with the relationship of Addison and Royal through the next chapter, though! Who knows, maybe there'll be some drama?**

 **-Sam**


	12. Chapter 12

_Royal's Age: 11_

 _Royal was in school this particular day. She didn't have many friends growing up, seeing as she was far passed her grade level, and any conversations she'd spark usually had nothing to do with what her peers wanted to speak of. But of course, the school she went to was too poor to help in aiding her towards her correct grade level, so she stayed where she was, sixth grade. Royal, many days, was in pain. Whether it was the beating from the night before, or the old bruises that she bumped into, there was always something. But this was different. A stabbing pain in her lower abdomen jolted her in English class. It was a shock to her. She was never usually sick, and random pains was usually from her mother punching her in the stomach repeatedly. The first thing that really came to her mind was appendictis, although she wasn't showing any other symptoms. She suffered for awhile until she could no longer, and raised her hand, asking to go to the restroom. Of course the teacher obliged, and Royal ran like a bat out of hell towards the bathroom. She slid down her pants and low and behold, blood soaked through her underwear, and on her thighs. She gasped. She truly thought she was going to die, in that bathroom stall, with no one to turn to. Derek and Amelia would plan her funeral. She'd die. She was going to die, from internal bleeding. When she began to sob, they weren't any sob. Loud, gasping sobs. She didn't want to cry this way, but she was scared of death, and the unknowing of it._

 _The teacher came to check on her when the period bell rang, and found Royal crying in the stall._

 _"Baby? Are you okay?" She asked softly._

 _"I'm dying!" She shouted. "I'm going to die today! Please. Call my big brother. Tell him I love him."_

 _The teachers eyebrows crossed in confusion. "What? Baby, what's wrong?"_

 _"I'm bleeding internally." She sobbed. "I'm gonna die here today."_

 _"Sweetie, how do you know that for sure?" The teacher asked, panicing on the inside, but refusing to allow it to show._

 _She sniffled. "There's blood between my legs. I must be bleeding internally!"_

 _"Baby...do you know where it's coming from?" The teacher asked softly._

 _Royal wiped her tears. "From...you know."_

 _The teacher held back a laugh. "Baby you are not dying."_

 _"There's so much blood! So much. Of course I'm dying. No normal person bleeds this much."_

 _That's it, the teacher couldn't help but laugh hysterically. "Baby, you've gotten your menstrual cycle."_

 _Royal's eyes bulged out of her head. "What's that!? Am I gonna die from it!? Call Derek! Call 'im, he'll save me!"_

 _"No, Baby. It's normal. All women get it." The teacher stopped laughing, wiping tears of laughter from her cheeks. "It means you're growing up."_

 _"...Will my big sister know what it is?" Royal asked warily._

 _"Your big sister already has hers I'm sure." The teacher responded. "How about you come on out. We can get you on your way home with your brother or sister."_

 _Royal pulled up her soaking pants and came out, her cheeks flushed. "Can you call my big sister?"_

 _When Amelia arrived she had to stop herself from the fits of laughter she was breaking out into in the car. Royal was crying in the bathroom, holding onto her stomach, as though in pain._

 _"Aw, El. Don't cry." Amelia came forward and hugged her sister tightly._

 _"I'm all wet." She sobbed. "And it hurts so bad!"_

 _"I know, sweet pea. C'mon. Let's get you home and get you all cleaned up." Amelia kissed her sisters forehead._

 _Amelia thanked the teacher for her patients, and drove Royal home._

 _Amelia got her little sister into the steaming bath tub, usually she'd get in with her, but the kid was covered in blood, and Amelia had to draw the line there. She helped Royal clean it off of her thighs. "Listen, it's normal."_

 _"Mom gets it?" She mumbled._

 _"Even mom." Amelia nodded. "Even me. We're actually kinda twinning, El. I've got mine too."_

 _"For real?" Royal asked. "Doesn't it hurt?"_

 _"I took medicine for it, so they don't hurt so bad. They're called cramps." Amelia said softly. "Babes, you're all good. This happened to me when I was your age, too, you know."_

 _"At school?"_

 _Amelia nodded. "Worst day of my life, kiddo. I'm sorry this happened at school, babes. But I didn't have great big sisters like you do to give me a bath and tell me it was normal...I had mine for a year before my friends mom told me I wasn't a total freak."_

 _Royal pouted. "That's sad."_

 _Amelia nodded. "It is sad."_

 _"How come_ that _bleeds? Can I stop it like pee?"_

 _"No." Amelia chuckled. "That's why we wear special pads. They wrap around your undies so they don't get all bloody and gross."_

 _"You wear em too?"_

 _"Even I wear em." Amelia said. "C'mon out, I'll wrap you all up and show you how to put them on."_

 _So for the next few hours, Amelia explained all about a womans body. How it functions, why periods come, and of course gave her a heating pad and some Midol for the horrible cramping. The two layed in bed together, eating ice cream and chocolate, amongst other things. Two bleeding sisters._

"So...you're pregnant." Addison breathed.

Me, Amelia, and Addison were sitting in the living room of Amelia's home. A place unfamiliar to me, but I was comfortable wherever Amelia was.

I nodded softly. "Yeah."

Addison grabbed my hand, caressing my knuckled. "I'll be here the whole way, Baby. All the way. Whatever you need, me and Amelia will give. You wont be alone in this. Not in the trial-"

"No." I shook my head. "There will be no trial." I said.

Amelia sighed, rubbing her forehead. "We haven't really discussed that."

"There's nothing to discuss!" I said adamantly. "I was raped. Not you, not her. Me. This is my child, my baby. My rape. I don't want to press charges. I want to forget. I want my baby to come, and forget."

"It's not so simple. What if he goes and does it to another girl, Baby?" Addison asked.

"Or what are you going to do about college?" Amelia said pointedly.

"I'll suffer through it!" I said. "Or move to a college here."

"What about that full ride of yours?" Amelia asked. "You worked hard for that, El. There's no reason this should have to get in the way of that."

"So I'll go. And I'll suffer." I crossed my arms. "I am not, and I mean, not, pressing charges, Amelia."

Amelia sighed, she hated when I called her by her full name. "Okay. Just settle down. We can talk about something else."

I shook my head. "I need the bathroom."

I stomped off. She doesn't get it, this has never happened to her before. It's humiliating, laying there, being thrusted into and not having a bit of control of it. Not being able to scream no, and if you do, you get hit for it. I learned very quickly at a very young age, saying no is not smart, and gets you absolutely no where. Just giving in, laying there and being totally motionless.

Once in the bathroom, I pulled down my pants, and what I saw was something no pregnant woman wanted to witness. Blood.

My eyes bulged and my palms began to sweat. I opened the door. "Amelia! Amelia!" Screaming.

My sister came running, along with the redhead. I began to shake, tears hitting my eyes faster than I could blink. "I...I...Amy the baby!"

"Oh sweetie." She mumbled, wrapping me in her arms. "Okay. It's okay."

"There's not so much." Addison said, trying to consol me. "You could just be spotting."

"This isn't normal!" I cried. "What if I'm miscarrying!?"

Addison rubbed my back. "I don't think this is that. But we can go and get it check out, sweetie."

I rubbed my eyes and pulled up my pants. "Amy it can't die. They can't die...this is my piece of good. My one piece of good."

"I know, babes." She kissed my forehead, wiping away any residue from the tears left on my cheeks. "I know. It's alright. Addison will check on the baby, okay?"

I nodded softly. "Can we go now? I don't want to waste time..."

* * *

Going to the hospital was totally nerve wracking. It was even worse when Addison squirted the cold gel on my naked abdomen. Amelia was holding my hand, kissing my knuckles lovingly as we all stared at the screen in front of us. We waited in anticipation before looking towards Addison expectently. Her head whipped towards us, ready to give us an answer.

"Baby, your baby is-"

* * *

 **Cliff hanger! I wonder what happened to Royal's baby? Any ideas?**

 **-Sam**


	13. Chapter 13

"Your baby is alive."

I took a breath of relief. "Oh G-d. Oh thank you, G-d."

Amelia grinned, "See, babes. They're all good."

A small smile made its way to my mouth. "Yes. Yes. It's good."

Addison wiped the excess gell off of my stomach and I pushed the linen of my shirt down, I inhaled sharply. "Can we go back home?

Amelia nodded. "Of course, hon."

The look of worry on her face hadn't washed away. Although, now, I don't believe she was worried about the baby. I think she was scared for me. She spent so much of her life being scared for me...

"I'm okay, Amy." I said calmly. "I promise you. Don't worry about me right now, because right now, I'm great. My baby is fine. Everything is going to turn out how it should."

She smoothed down my hair and took a deep breath. "You're right, El. You're right."

Slowly, I slid off of the hospital bed. At this point, I just desperately wanted to get home. I was starving. I was tired. I was tired of feeling my heart jump out of my chest. I was tired, also, from lack of sleep. I really just wanted to snuggle up in between Addison and Amelia and talk about anything but the baby, or Derek. I just wanted to forget for awhile.

Finally, we were back home. I was able to snuggle into an oversized sweater and a pair of leggings. I rested a hand on my stomach as I walked into the kitchen. I wasn't showing yet, not at all, actually. But I still felt this intense need to keep the baby safe, to keep it out of harms way, and so my hand automatically made its way to my abdomen mindlessly. As I poured a bowl of cereal, I was zoning out of some sort. I wondered if my baby would be a girl, or a boy. Would they look like a Shepard, or like the douche that gave me the baby? Would they have blue eyes? My hair? They had a long line of blue eyes in the family. That, included his sperm donor. I'd pretty much decided that's what he would be called. He was not this baby's father, nor would he ever be.

"El!?"

My head snapped up, and Addison was looking at me with wide eyes. I looked down, there was milk everywhere. "Oh my G-d. Sorry! I'll clean it."

"You okay?" She asked, coming to help me.

"Yeah...I was just...thinking." I shrugged, grabbing a handful of paper towels and bent down to start cleaning up the small puddle of milk.

"Of?" She raised a brow.

"Well...about the baby." I smiled.

She smiled as well, cleaning up the mess on the counter. "Like...their gender. What they'll look like. How they'll act?"

I nodded slowly, and threw away the wad of towels. "Yeah, exactly that, actually."

"I bet she'll be a carbon copy of Amelia, with your luck." Addison snorted.

"I can hear you." Amelia said from the couch.

"We're aware." I grinned at her as I slid a stool out and began to munch on my cereal.

She sent me a playful look, in which I returned.

"I guess they'd be lucky to turn out like, Amy." I said, trying to smooth the insult over. "Amy is a pretty great human being."

My sister sent me a smile before returning her attention back to the television.

"You're right. But so are you." Addison rubbed my back.

A small smile fought its way to my lips, and so I shoveled a spoon into my mouth. Addison was right...I guess I was a decent human being.

* * *

 **Alright, hey guys! I've got a bit of a rant here. I try not to let criticism bother me, but like most humans, that's almost impossible. Although I figured I'd write this as an example for everyone else that has nothing kind to say. Recently I received an Anon review, mentioning a few points I thought needed addressing for future reviews who may have a problem with them.**

 **1\. Royal's not a real name- Mind you, Royal didn't have a real name when she was born. She was abused horribly until thirteen years of age. She wanted to name herself Princess (which is not a real name, mind you) and if you'd read on, you'd see that Amelia clearly said NO. She asked if Royal was okay, and Amelia obliged. Why did she do this? The kid has absolutely no control of what happened to her when she was growing up, her name was something she could control, and obviously at sixteen, she doesn't regret the decision.**

 **2\. Shepard isn't the correct spelling- Actually, you're very clearly _wrong_. It IS the correct spelling, check any Grey's or Private Practice WIKI, or check Wikipedia. I did my research, thanks.**

 **3\. Six kids is too many, and quite frankly, _brutal_ of me to do to Carolyn- Hate to break it to you, but six is actually a very normal amount of children. As is any other amount that doesn't exceed 10. Especially in many religious circles, and even if it was _brutal_ that she could have had six children, she had absolutely no right to abuse Royal, and it's not an excuse.**

 **From here on out, any nasty reviews will be deleted and removed immediately. I do not tolerate any kind of bullying, that includes my own. Thank you, and have a good day.**

 **And a special thank you to all those supporting my writing, and appreciating it, I appreciate all of you so much! I never thought when I wrote this it would become so popular. 3**

 **-Sam**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks to the Guest that commented and proved me completely and utterly, wrong. I apologize to the anon I ridiculed, definitely MY problem. Truly, the mind does see what it wants. I had looked it up, and I had done my research, but for some reason my brain actually did read Shepherd as Shepard. I honestly do apologize, especially because my tone was harsh. I tend to get too offended by these things...**

 **Anyways, seeing as I can't respond to you privately, I thought I'd do it here. Thank you so much for the rest of your review as well, I'm happy you're enjoying. Amelia and Addison happen to be two of my favorite characters as well, and also, who knows what will happen. ;)**

 **-Sam**

* * *

My last radiation treatment was today, the week before I'd be cut into and have my brain man handled. I was very, very, scared. Many things could happen to me at the end of that surgery, and I'd been warned about all of the risks. Such as, amnesia, small memory loss, sensory losses, eyesight loss, among other things. My heart was beating rapidly, my eyes looked up at the plastic covering over my head and I took a shaky breath. "What'll happen to my baby, Amy?"

She didn't respond, and I knew that it wasn't a very good sign. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "During surgery. You said teenaged pregnancies have complications, regardless of surgery."

"Doctor Robbins is an impecible neonatal surgeon. She'll be there the whole time in case something goes wrong."

"So something could go wrong?"

"Royal."

"Sorry." I murmured.

"Don't apologize. No need to be sorry. Just stop worrying, please, it doesn't help anyone. Especially you, babes. You're gonna be okay. And you want to know something else?"

"What?" I asked.

"You're done." She said.

I exhaled slowly. "Oh thank G-d."

The speaker turned off, the table came out, and Amelia began to unscrew the plastic around my head. I ran a hand through my hair, and she began on my stomach. "This was the last time today, Ellie. It's all good things. It's working, and you're going to be okay."

"I'll be okay." I mumbled. "I want this baby...I want this baby to be okay too."

Amelia kissed my forehead. "You'll be okay. That's what matters. Doctor Robbins will make sure the baby gets its best chance."

Best chance.

I nodded slowly, sitting up on the table.

"Do you want to go home?" She asked softly.

"No." I shook my head. "No, I really don't. Can we stay here? Maybe I could go and watch a surgery or two? We can go home later, with Hunt?"

She smiled down at me. "Sounds good, El. C'mon, let's get you changed into clothes again, and I can take you to an amazing surgery."

"What is it?" I asked excitedly as we exited the room.

"Major heart transplant. But the guy? He's organs are mirrored."

I gasped. "That's incredibly rare!"

"Exactly why it's amazing." She laughed.

"I love you, Amy." I said.

"I love you too, kid." She rubbed my back.

I scratched the nape of my neck, we made it back to her office and I was able to take the cringy gown off. Rubber duckies and rainbows decorated it on a purple background. "I hate this gown. So much."

"So don't wear it." She said pointedly, flipping through paperwork.

"I'm trying." I reminded, sticking my black leggings and red t-shirt back on.

Suddenly, her pager went off. "Ah! The surgery is starting."

I grinned and we sped off down to the gallaries. Once we got there almost all the attendings were there, except for Meredith and April.

I sat next to Amelia and next to Jackson. "Did we miss anything?"

"Why are you here?" He raised a brow.

"I'm pre-med, don't give me the whole 'kid' spiel." I said.

"Oh. Sorry, I keep forgetting. You're just so young." He shrugged. "But nah, you guys just made it. Maggie's starting the cut."

I leaned against Amelia and I crossed my legs. "Woah. This is actually amazing."

"Just think about what it feels like to cut into 'em yourself." Arizona said dreamily.

"Don't tempt me." I said.

"What? You gonna jump down there and take the scalpel?" Amelia laughed.

I shrugged, jokingly, "Who knows."

Truthfully, the surgery was incredibly amazing. Maggie did it perfectly, and according to everyone else, the patient was doing just fine. Right about now Amelia, Hunt, and I were in the car driving home.

"Aaand the surgery was just about the best thing in the world!" I was explaining to Hunt, who'd missed it completely.

"Really now?" He laughed. "I was expecting it to be boring."

I ignored his sarcasm. "Seriously...maybe I should be a cardio surgeon."

"This is why you have your entire residency to decide, everyone goes through that phase of, 'wow, I just watched the best surgery, so now I want to be that specialty', that includes me."

"Really?" I asked. "You didn't always want to be a neurosurgeon?"

"Nope." She shook her head.

"Oh cool." I mumbled. "Derek always wanted to be a neurosurgeon...I remember that."

"He was always very ahead of himself." Amelia was so comfortable talking about him, it was amazing, I could never do that.

"Yeah." I nodded my head as I sat back in my seat. "Yeah he was."


	15. Chapter 15

Today was the day. Today was the day, I was going to be cut into. Today was the day my tumor would be removed. The growth that only wanted death and destruction. It was even scarier, knowing that today was the day. The rubber ducky gown with rainbows seemed a lot less annoying now that I was wearing it again, in my hospital room, with an IV placed in my hand. I had met with my surgeon. Amelia couldn't do it personally, because I was her sister. But she was going to be watching in the gallary, she promised.

"Amy..."

"Yeah, El?"

"I'm not religious." I mumbled. "I've never been...but will you pray for me? Pray that I make it?"

She eyed me for a few moments before nodding. "Yes. Yes, babes, of course I will. You fight for me, do you hear? You fight. No matter what happens."

I nodded. "I promise."

She kissed my forehead and leaned hers against my own. "I love you so much. Don't you ever forget that."

"How could I forget?" I asked.

"Promise me."

"I promise, Ames. I promise I wont forget."

"Royal?"

It was my surgeon, Doctor Humphry. "It's time."

My heart sunk to my stomach and I grabbed onto Amelia's hand tightly. "Come with me. Please. Don't leave me until they put me under."

"I wont leave you." She kissed my hand as the surgeon began to get my bed ready to be wheeled to the OR.

Having your heart palpatate a thousand miles a minute is, let's just say, not too nice. My palms were getting sweaty and I felt my ears tear up. I couldn't cry. I didn't have a reason to cry. Not yet...I couldn't cry yet. Not yet. We strolled down the hallway, to the OR. When we got there, I looked up at the gallary. Everyone was there. Jackson, Meredith, Maggie, Hunt, and of course some others. Amelia would join them soon.

They asked me to get on the operating table, I obliged. I layed down, a few tears streaked down my cheek. Amelia wiped them away and kiss that same cheek. "I love you."

"Pray." I mumbled, my voice cracking.

She softly brushed her fingers against my cheek and nodded, tears welling in her eyes.

"We need to begin now, Doctor Shepherd."

Amelia wiped her eyes and nodded. "I'm right here, baby. I'm right here."

They put the mask over my nose, asking me to count back from 100.

"100,"

"99,"

"98,"

"9-"

and it was black.

* * *

My eyes slowly fluttered open. My eyes...my...that's so foreign on my lips. Who was 'my' or 'me' should I say. Who am I?

"Royal. Baby." A woman with brown hair was sobbing, my heart began to race...my..."I prayed for you, baby, I prayed. I did as you asked, just like I promised, and you...you promised and you came through. G-d, you came through." Her eyes were red, she was so concerned. I felt a pressure in my chest, like I should know her, like I should be crying and hugging her. Who am I?

"I...who are you?"

* * *

 **Oh shit.**

 **-Sam**


	16. Chapter 16

The brunette's eyes widened in confusion and hurt. "It's Amelia, baby...I...sweetie..."

I got scared, I didn't want to get scared, it was obvious she knew who I was and cared for me but if I didn't know who I was how could this not terrify me. I backed away from her. "Who are you!? Who am I?"

Her blue eyes became scared, she ran out of the room, and I began to sob. Who was I? Why couldn't I remember who I was, or my name, or anything about me? Who was 'me'?

She entered once more, her breathing heavy. A doctor entered with her, "I'm Doctor Humphry. Do you remember me?"

I shook my head, my chin quivering. "Where am I?"

"Royal, you're in the hospital." He responded, taking out a pen light. "Can you follow the light for me?"

I did as he asked.

"You just had brain surgery." He said. "Surgery that often has risks of memory loss...or amnesia."

"She has amnesia!?" The brunette yelled. "You said it went well!"

"It did." The doctor said calmly. "She was fine. This is a condition that can come with the surgery, you knew fully well what could happen."

I curled into a ball and cried into my knees, this was too overwhelming. Much too overwhelming.

"Doctor Shepherd I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The doctor said. "She's overwhelmed, and could go into shock at any moment. It's a lot scarier for your sister than it is for you."

"I'm not leaving her. I promised her." She mumbled.

"She doesn't remember." He said.

I could tell she was hurt, but she stormed out of the room and I wrapped my arms around my legs and held them close to me. "Who am I? Who is she? What's happening?"

"Your name is Royal Shepherd." He responded calmly. "You're sixteen years old. You had a brain tumor, we resected it, and due to that I believe you've developed amnesia. That woman is your sister. Her name is Amelia Shepherd."

My breathing was shallow. Why didn't I remember any of this? Why didn't I remember that I had a sister? Let alone my own name..."What kind of name is Royal..."

He chuckled. "This must be very scary for you, and I'm sorry. Your sister didn't mean to panic you. She loves you very much, and this is killing her."

I swallowed. "I...I feel like I should remember her. Like I should know who she is...this inkling at the back of my head saying, she's memorable. She's somebody...but I don't know who. I don't know who to remember her as. I can't remember a memory of her...I can't remember anything. It's like my mind is blank."

"Do you know the year?" He asked, pulling out my chart.

I shook my head. "No. Nothing."

He sighed a heavy sigh. "We need to run some tests. To be sure this is what this is, and it's not just post-op memory loss."

"Post-op memory loss isn't this severe." I mumbled.

He raised a brow at me.

"I...don't know where that came from." My eyebrows furrowed.

"You were in pre-med, it makes sense you'd keep that knowledge." He said.

"I'm sixteen. That's young to be in college."

"You're very intelligent, Royal."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Royal. That was my name. It sounded so far away yet so close. But it flowed. It flowed in my head, it flowed from his lips, like it felt right. Like it felt like...me. Whoever that was.

"We can wait...but Amelia needs to see you. I think it would be good for you to see her." He said.

"Not yet." I shook my head. "I can't yet...the hurt in her eyes...it's like someones drowning me. Like her pain is crashing over me. I can't do it yet. Please."

"Okay." He nodded. "Maybe later. For now I'd like to do some testing on your brain, a CT scan, see if there's something causing the amnesia, or if there's a way to reverse it."

Reverse it...that would be nice.

"You have my full consent." I said.

"It's not yours we need." He stood. "I'll go talk to your sister. Okay?"

I shrugged. "Okay...I guess."

My sister...I had a sister. I wonder how many sisters I had. Did I have a brother? What about my mother, or father? G-d...my stomach hurts. I lifted my gown to reveal a large scar. My eyes widened, I was told I had brain surgery...what's with this? I'd have to ask Doctor Humphry when he got back...and if I absolutely had to, I'd ask this...Amara...Amelia. That's her name. Amelia. I'd ask her about it.

* * *

 **I know, I know. I'm evil, you can definitely hate me all you want, lmao.**

 **-Sam**


	17. Chapter 17

_Royal's age: 9_

 _It was after a fight with her mother, that Royal found a sharp fork in her back. After hours of screaming in pain, she'd gotten her sister on the phone, and begged her through barred teeth to come and get her._

 _It took awhile for Amelia to transport her little sister with little pain, but they eventually made it to Amelia's apartment, where she was trying to extract the fork with minimal bleeding._

 _"Shit!"_

 _"Don't say that word." Amelia tisked._

 _"I have the fork in my back, Amelia." Royal screamed._

 _Amelia didn't say anything, the girl had a very good point._

 _Suddenly Royal began to sob again, uncontrollably. "I just...wish someone would hit me in the head. I wish mom would bash my head against the wall hard enough to give me amnesia, so I wont have to remember this. So I wont have to remember why there's a fork in my back. So I wont remember any of it, Amy."_

 _Amelia could feel her heart tear in two. No nine year old should ever feel that way, and it killed her to know that her baby sister was feeling it. "Babes...I know. I know you must want to forget the life you've lived, and start over...I get it. But that's not the way. Don't ask it. Don't speak it into existence. Don't."_

 _Royal began to cry into her palms as Amelia eased the fork from her sisters skin, and held a wad of gauze over it. There wasn't much bleeding, it was very much a surface wound. In Royal's head, she began to pray for the day when she would forget her pain._

 _In the next week, I'd refused to allow Amelia to come in to see me. I didn't want her to come in, to watch her feel this intense urge to bundle me in her arms while I tensed up and wanted to vomit from the physical touch. It was instinct, I believe, that I didn't like to be touched. I was unsure as to why though, maybe I just didn't like it, and it was as simple as that._

It wasn't until Doctor Hemphry came in to tell me I was completely safe to go home the next day, and if I didn't want to go home with a total stranger, I needed to reintroduce Amelia into my life. Whether I liked it or not. So I finally agreed, on that Friday afternoon. For the record, I didn't like it.

When she entered, her eyes weren't red this time, and she was dressed in a pair of navy blue scrubs. Her then loose waves were now up in a tight bun. She looked better, relieved, possibly. "Hey."

"Hi..." I waved.

"Alright." She came to sit next to me, on the chair furthest from my bed, for my own sanity I'm sure. "I work with patients that have amnesia all the time. I'm a neurosurgeon. You're my sister, but that doesn't mean you remember any of that. So I'm going to reintroduce you to some of your life. I want you to have it, regardless if you remember it. Okay?"

It was straightforward, no beating around the bush. For this I was grateful. "Okay."

"I'm Amelia Shepherd." She began, crossing her legs, looking uncomfortable. "I'm 35 years old. You have a brother...had a brother. Derek. Derek Christopher Shepherd. He was...he was 49 when he died, in a car crash."

My eyes softened. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but it was your loss too." She said. "Don't apologize for that."

I nodded slowly. "What about my parents? Where are they?"

Her face turned stony, and she licked the inside of her cheek. "For right now I think it's best if you let me give you the information, instead of asking questions. I know it's confusing, and you don't understand, but I'd like to discuss with Doctor Humphry before we dig too deeply into your past."

She giving me doctor talk, rather than sister talk, telling me that my childhood hadn't been a good one, and that was scaring me. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, your legal name is Baby," she changed the subject, "when you were eight years old, you asked if I could name you Princess. You loved princesses. I told you no, because it wasn't a real name. You asked me to call you Royal. I said yes."

"Royal isn't a real name." I mumbled shyly.

She chuckled. "No. It's not. But..." She bit her bottom lip.

"You're sixteen." Another change in the conversation. "Will be seventeen in February."

Almost seventeen years of memories I was missing, memories I'm not sure if I want back, although I was curious as to what they were. "This...scar." I mentioned, my gaze at my stomach. "What is it? Why is it there?"

She took a deep breath. "I'll be honest with you...you were going to have a baby. Sadly, during the surgery, it just wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry, Ellie."

"Ellie?" I raised an eyebrow. "Why not Ally, that would make more sense considering it's Roy _al_ , not Roy _el_."

"That's another story in of itself." She responded. "Did you hear what I just said...about the baby?"

"I heard it." I said matter-of-factly. "It doesn't mean I want to continue to hear it."

Something inside me was telling me to run, run very far from this situation and I couldn't understand why I'd want to run. Why would running from my problems help me? Why would I have done it before? What could have been so bad about my boyfriend? "So who's my boyfriend, and why isn't he here?"

"What boyfriend?" She questioned.

"Y'know...the one that got me pregnant?"

Her face softened, as if remembering a horrible memory. I wish I had those to remember. "You didn't have a boyfriend...you were at college-"

"Am I a slut!?" I asked emphatically.

"No." She responded calmly. "You're the sweetest, most sensible girl. Y'know, I always call you the sensible Shepherd. You make good decisions, unlike the rest of us."

"So...I have other siblings?"

"No you weren't a slut." I was ignored. "You were...raped. That's partially why you came back to Seattle from college, because you wanted to see Derek. You hadn't known he was dead yet."

"How could I not have know?" I asked. "He was my brother."

"Is." She said. "He is your brother, and it's very confusing. It's too much info for right now. But...I brought you some pictures." A tinge of a smile appeared on her face. "I brought some pictures of your childhood...and there's someone outside who would like to see you."

"Who?" I asked softly.

"Her name is Addison." She responded. "She's your brothers ex-wife. You were very close to her when you were little. You often called her mommy."

Mommy. A word so foreign to my lips, almost as though I'd never spoken it, and it wasn't like I don't remember it. I truly, can't feel the word on my tongue and lips, as though I truly had never spoken it, or it had been years since I had done so. Another bad, bad sign.

"Not right now." I said. "I can't...not yet. This was a big stretch for me...already."

She nodded softly. "I understand, and she will too. Do you want to look at the pictures?"

I gave her my best smile. "Yeah. I would like to."

She stood and handed me the pictures. I could tell she was unsure of what to say or do next, so I scooted over and motioned next to me. "You can sit next to me. I don't bite...well, at least I don't think I do."

She chuckled. "Your sense of humor is still there. Thank G-d." She sat next to me, but scooted up against the other end of the bed to ensure we weren't touching, for this I was thankful. She knows I don't like physical contact. I wish I knew. I wish she'd tell me.

The first picture I looked at was a little girl with a birthday hat, not a day older than five. Two front teeth were missing, not a natural occurrence at the age of five. Her hair in pigtails. Amelia stood next to her, rubbing her back, and a dark haired man was holding her hand, beckoning her to blow out the candles. "Who's that?" I pointed to the girl.

"That's you." She smiled. "You don't recognize yourself?"

Come to think of it...I hadn't seen myself yet. I don't remember what I look like. "I haven't looked in a mirror."

Amelia took something out of her pocket. A compact, with a little mirror on it. "Here. Look at yourself."

My hand was unsteady when it took the compact from her own hand, but I did. My heart was racing. I was nervous. What if I was horribly ugly? Or even worse, what if I was terrifyingly beautiful, and I was a snobby kid who was self absorbed? Both ideas scared me. But I looked anyways, and what I saw shocked me. I was not ugly, nor model worthy, I, Royal Shepherd, was a pretty girl. My brown hair was a little frizzy from not being washed in awhile. My nose was freckled, which spread out onto my cheeks. My eyes a haunting green. My nose and chin as pointy as a freshly sharpened pencil. I had sharp features, me...this was me. "Wow..."

'Wow is right." She smiled. "You're a very pretty girl. You always have been."

I felt tears prick my eyes and felt the urge to swallow them down, but I fought that urge. I allowed them to stream down my cheeks, although something inside was telling me this meant danger.

"Why are you crying?" She asked, worried.

"Because I'm not terrifyingly beautiful, or horribly ugly." I cried. "I'm normal. That's all. I'm normal. But the things I feel, don't feel normal. As though I'm in danger when I'm sad, or I feel like I need to flee the situation at any given point when I'm uncomfortable. Is this how normal people feel?"

I saw the pain her eyes when she sighed. "I hope, that with never remembering anything of your past, you wont have to feel that way."

Never remembering. Never...remembering. I would never remember. I would never have a memory of who I was. Who I was meant to be. I'd never have a memory, ever again, up until this point of my sixteen years of living...never another memory. The fact hit my like a ton of rocks.


	18. Chapter 18

Having to go home with Amelia and her husband, Owen, I think, was incredibly awkward. I sat in the back and twiddled my thumbs. Sometimes they'd try and talk to me, and I'd give them one word answers before not answering at all. I looked up at Amelia through the rear view mirror, and her eyes held worry. About me, I'd presumed.

Being at the home was even worse. Especially when we first got there.

"Am I...supposed to feel connected to this place?" I asked softly, running a hand along the couch.

"Not really. You've only been here a few days before your surgery." Amelia responded as she began to dig around in the freezer.

"Is there a home where I should feel connected?"

She looked back at me. "No."

"I didn't have a childhood home?" I asked.

She bit her bottom lip, returning her attention to the freezer.

"Why won't you answer me?" I wasn't angry, more so upset.

"Because, Royal." She responded. "You don't want to know. You begged me when you were younger to make you forget everything. To bash your head into the wall so you'd forget. You prayed for it, Royal. I hope that gives you an idea."

"It doesn't." I said. "Because right about now I wish I could bash my head against the wall and never wake up."

She turned sharply. "Don't you dare say something like that. I've lost you, Royal. I've lost every fucking part of you that loves me and remembers why, so you will NOT let me lose your physical self too."

"I don't remember anything! I hate living this way! Walking egg shells around you, not sure what's going to make you sensitive!"

"Makes me sensitive?" She scoffed. "I've been trained to do that, so as not to make you SOB yourself to sleep! You've been through hell and back, Royal Shepherd! Hell. And. Back! You are NOT going to know what happened to you. You are not going to get ONE memory that's pain, do you hear me? I won't allow it. All your life was pain, and shit. You had a few moments of happiness out of your G-d Damned 16 years and you are NOT going to live through any more shit if you don't remember it. So forget walking egg shells around me, because I don't want to continue walking egg shells around you. You prayed for this. You wanted this."

"Who would want this!?" I screamed.

"A product of abuse!" She screamed back.

My face fell and my eyes darkened. "What?"

"You were abused from the day you were born." She spat irately. "Your mother hated you! You never knew your father! Your sisters loved to scheme against you to get you in trouble with the monster that birthed us. Royal. I didn't want to tell you this. All this is going to do is bring things back, I know it. I know you. I know what this will do to you, and I know what's stirring in your heart."

She was right. Something was brewing in my heart. I felt anger, and sadness, and grief. Why me? Why was I abused? Did I really have no good memories? Did I really pray for this to happen to me? G-d...it must have been awful. I must have been damaged so terribly. Right about now, I kind of wished I'd listened to Amelia when she said I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know. Not at all.

"Why did my mom hate me?" I asked softly.

"You were a mistake." Her voice softened slightly. "You were meaningless to her, to our older sisters. But not to me. Not to Derek. We loved you, with everything we had. We fought for you, for years. The bitch had a good case, you refused to speak to lawyers. You lied so you wouldn't get a beating. In return for the lies, she'd throw an extra piece of toast and called you a good dog. Royal, you were nothing but a speck of bird shit on her window. Unfortunate, and unwanted. She didn't want you, and you knew that, and it killed you every day. I want this, whatever this is going to be, to be a start over for you. To be a new beginning. You don't remember any of it. You shouldn't have to, and you don't. So don't let it get in the way of what you were meant to do."

"I don't know what I was meant to do." I sat on the couch, staring deeply into space. "I don't even know who I am. How can I know what I'm meant to do, Amelia?"

"The sensible Shepherd." She responded. "Wherever life takes you, it will always be a good decision. I know that for a fact."

I didn't like how that sounded. The 'sensible' Shepherd. It's as though I tried so hard to please my mother, that I lost what was known as the rebellious stage due to it. I didn't have to be sensible anymore. No. I wouldn't be. I lost my life to this. I lost all my experiences. I needed to make new ones, and no way in hell was I going to be some dinky Harvard student that followed all the rules to a T and never hurt anyone down the road. No. I was going to be something else...

"I love you, Royal. And somewhere inside I know you love me too."

But I didn't feel it. I didn't feel love. I felt empty.

* * *

 **Royal is NOT going down the right road...I wonder what'll happen next.**

 **-Sam**


	19. Chapter 19

_Royal's age: 9_

 _Royal's hair had never been cut before. Her hair was slow when it came to growth, and it was gorgeous. She had beautiful dark brown hair, and Amelia and Derek loved to play with it because of how soft it was. But Royal was getting bored of it. She was sick of the length, what she was sick of, mostly, was her mother being able to drag her around with it. One day, when she was sitting with Derek in his living room, while he was braiding it, she looked up at him and with the straightest face, asked, "Can we cut my hair off?"_

 _Derek was very easily persuaded into anything his sister wanted. He pitied her, and his love for her was so strong that he could never hold himself back. After almost an hour of pure pouty face manipulation, her hair was short. It was short. Shorter than short. He'd taken her to the hair dresser and given the child a pixie cut. She was happier than ever, but when Amelia came around, she wasn't too happy._

 _"Why did you do that!?" She yelled. "She's 9! She's going to regret this decision I hope you know."_

 _"She begged for an hour, Amelia." Derek said calmly. "The kid is tired of the headaches from the monster dragging her around by her ponytail. That can't happen now. She likes it. She looks adorable, you have to admit it."_

 _Amelia sighed. She could disagree, but it would be a blatant lie. Her baby sister with her cute little haircut was absolutely adorable, no doubt about it. "You better hope she's not mad about it later."_

When I looked in the mirror, I glanced over every aspect of my face, trying to find similarities between me and Amelia. I silently begged that she'd lied about us being related. About my background, but I knew she wasn't. I could feel it in my heart. I took her pain as my own, and I held onto it so tightly, that it hurt. This is something I'd clearly gotten used to before I was struck with this awful curse, and I hated it. I hated that I was so tethered to her, and I couldn't remember it. I hated it because I knew it was killing her, and it didn't phase me at all. I could have cared less if I ever saw her again. I could run away and never come back and rebuild a new life for myself. I could be someone that felt right, because this didn't feel right. Not having parents didn't feel right. Having a dead brother? That, especially that, didn't feel right.

I didn't feel right. I didn't feel like me. I felt like I was living in someone else's body, like in order for it to be me, I'd need to put my own spin on things. I pulled at my lengthy hair. I wondered what I would look like without it. Would I be ugly? Would it make me look stupid? At this point, I didn't care. I was desperate for control. I grabbed the scissors from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and I began chopping away. Big chunk, after big chunk. My heart was racing. I didn't want Amelia to come in and see all of this. I didn't want her to scream at me again. That's what we've been doing for weeks now. Just constant arguing, and yelling. Apparently I've got an 'attitude' that wasn't there before and she wasn't appreciating it. I didn't care. I lost everything, and all she could think about was herself. Once the hair was short enough to my head I dug around for a buzzer, and once found, I grinned.

It took a bit of work. But I was pleased. It was the perfect cut, and I couldn't figure out how I'd done it so well. It must not have been the first time I'd cut someone's hair.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and Amelia was on the other side. Her eyes were wide, and we didn't share a word. Instead, she turned round and walked out of the room. I began to feel my stomach knot, I was in for it. But she didn't come back, and so I began to sweep up the mess of hair I'd made, and clean off the blade and scissors that were full of my hair. After successfully cleaning the bathroom I walked out of it. There, in the living room, Amelia was sitting on the couch with Hunt next to her. She was crying over a picture and I felt my eyes get wet. Shit. Stop crying, Royal, stop it.

She looked up and pursed her lips. "You haven't changed a bit."

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"When you need to control your life you want something drastic." She said, wiping her cheeks. "You need to take the steering wheel. I get that. I do the same exact thing."

"You're not angry?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No. Come here."

I warily stepped closer before she pulled me down next to her, shoving a picture into my hands. A little girl stared back at me that I now recognized as myself. She was smiling a bright smile over some kind of cake, her hair cut into a short pixie. My mouth gaped open. "I did that to myself?

"No." She laughed. "Derek took you when you were nine. Around the ages from eight to ten is when you were getting so fed up with everything. You wanted control. You named yourself when you were eight. You got a major haircut at nine. It was your very first haircut, originally I didn't like that Derek allowed it. I thought maybe you'd hate it later, but you didn't. You hated when it grew out. You were so mad. We were going to give you another haircut sometime before you were shipped off."

I licked my lips as I stared down at myself. For some reason I felt angry. This haircut didn't remove me from who I was. All it did was pull me further and it was the exact opposite of what I'd wanted. I gave the picture back to her and felt my cheeks redden. "Great."

She looked at me with confusion but I refused to continue this conversation. I began to storm away, but she grabbed my hand. "What's wrong?"

"Don't you get it?" I scoffed. "All this does is tether me closer to you."

She began to look hurt, and that's when I started to scream. "I hate that I can't remember a damn thing! I look at you when you're angry or sad and all I can feel is the same. I get mad when you get mad and I cry when you cry and I can't help it. I can't stop myself and I hate it! I hate not understanding why I love you so much, not remembering why my heart is telling you to cling onto you in the middle of the night when I get a nightmare-"

"You're having nightmares?" She mumbled.

"Stop!" I yelled. "Stop worrying! Stop doing that! It's suffocating. It's like your pushing a pillow over my face with love, and I can't handle it, I can't do it! I can't do this! I don't want this. I don't want to be Royal Shepherd. I don't want to be in this body without it's memories. I don't feel like me. I don't feel normal, Amelia. I don't feel normal."

"Royal..." She said softly.

I waved her off and grabbed my leather coat off of the rack, I began to unlock the door. "Where are you going Royal?"

"I need to get out of here." I said, pulling the door open. "I need to get out."

Before I could hear her response, I slammed the door shut behind me and began to run down the hall. I grabbed my car keys from my pocket. I needed to go somewhere she wasn't. I needed to drift away. Anywhere, anywhere was okay.


	20. Chapter 20

**Guest, what a coincidence. You were right. ;)**

 **-Sam**

* * *

I didn't know what I was doing, if I was being honest. Sitting in Joe's Bar, in the very back corner, I set my eyes upon everyone there and I took a heavy breath. It smelled like alcohol and for whatever reason I wanted to vomit and my heart was racing as though I was scared and I couldn't understand why being around a few beers was making me panic but then again, I can't remember shit. I was seriously debating on leaving. That was, until, I felt someone tap my shoulder.

I turned around, and a man with gelled blond hair was standing behind me, a cheery smile that reached his brown eyes coated his face. At least one of us had a reason to be happy. "Can I do something for you?"

"Anyone sitting here?" He motioned to the seat next to me.

"No..."

He took it and sat back, I could feel him staring at me.

"What is it exactly you want?"

"You're young." He said quietly. "And you're not drinking, which tells me that you're underage and you shouldn't be in here."

I shrugged. "Why do you care?"

"You looked sad." He responded. "I wanted to cheer you up."

"Do you pride yourself on being creepy?" I scoffed, twiddling my thumbs, tapping my left foot against the tables leg.

"No," he said, "but I do pride myself on being kind. So what's bothering you so much?"

"It's a long story." I said.

"I've got time."

I looked over to him. I just met the guy, should I really be telling him all my issues? Well. He was cute. Why not. "Let's see...I had brain surgery, which gave me amnesia. My sister is constantly sad that I don't remember her, and whenever she is sad I'm sad because we used to be close I guess. I was abused by my mom growing up, which I also don't remember, and being in this bar and smelling this alcohol is giving me a panic attack and scaring the fuck out of me."

"Probably has something to do with a past memory that your body was used to being scared by." He responded. "A simple reflex."

I raised a brow at him.

"I'm trying to get my PhD."

I nodded. "Same here...I think. At least I was."

"Sorry your life has been a bucket of shit." He said.

"Me too." I mumbled.

"Do you...wanna get out of here?"

For the second time I faced him, and he looked hopeful. "I just met you, we don't even know each others names, and you're probably ten years older than I am. Why would I go anywhere with you?"

"Because we're both too young to be drinking, my name is Pheonix, and I happen to love ferry boats and I would love to accompany you to one." He smiled.

"Isn't Pheonix a girls name?"

"Don't remind me." He rolled his eyes. "Most people call me Nick."

"Okay...Nixie." I smiled.

"Don't call me that."

"Okay. Nixie." I laughed.

He laughed as well. "See. There's that smile. I believe I've succeeded in cheering you up."

A small smile stained my lips. "I guess so...so how about that ferry boat?"

"How about it." He stood up, and offered a hand.

I looked at it before taking it in my own and pulling myself up slowly. He began to walk ahead and I followed his fast pace.

"So. What's your name, then?" He raised a brow.

"Royal," I responded, "Royal Shepherd."

"Royal." He said. "That's not a name."

"Don't remind me." I rolled my eyes.

"Okay. Roy."

"Are you copying me?" I chuckled.

"Maybe." He laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

For some reason, around him, I couldn't control the growing smile on my face. "So if you're too young to be drinking, how old are you?"

"Twenty. How about yourself?"

"Sixteen."

"And you're working on your PhD?" He asked.

"I was something of a MENCA Child I guess." I rolled my eyes. "I'd so much rather be ordinary. Trust me."

"You're not ordinary, though." He said. "Nothing like ordinary. But I like that. I'm also not ordinary."

"Oh really? Something calls bullshit. It might be the hair...or maybe the big ego?"

He scoffed. "My hair and my ego are both extraordinary."

"Oh really? How so?"

"For one, my hair is amazing. I've got thicker hair than most women,"

I laughed,

"and my ego might be big, but last time I checked if it tips the scale that doesn't make it ordinary, that makes it extraordinary."

"Alright. Fine. You win." I said. "You know this could be illegal."

"Last time I checked I wasn't between your legs." He raised a brow.

"Ew." I pushed him lightly.

"Hey!" He rubbed his arm jokingly. "That hurt."

"You're just a wuss." I said.

He didn't respond but the smile didn't leave his face and I recognized just how white his teeth were. They were like pearls. Beautiful, misaligned pearls. His teeth weren't perfect, but whose were? It gave him more character. It made him a little less ordinary, like me.

* * *

 **I figured I should give Royal a bit of a love interested...thoughts on Pheonix?**


	21. Chapter 21

It felt as though I'd never had more fun in my entire life. If I could remember my entire life, I could have judged that, though. But of course, I couldn't, so I just wanted to pretend that that was the truth of the situation. Phoenix had taken me on the Ferry boat for two hours, finally when we'd both gotten too sea sick, we walked and walked all over Seattle. We got some funnel cake to share, and as of now we were laying under some trees. Clouds were rolling in, and it was looking like rain, but neither of us seemed to mind. We were just happy with each others presence.

"I love Seattle." He suddenly said, plopping some of the fried goodness into his mouth.

"Really?" I asked. "How come?"

"I've been raised in a lot of different places." He turned on his side to face me. "All over the country. This place...it has a lot of memories for me. My mom died here. My brother died here...they were burred here. I've experienced a lot of happy and sad in this place, and no where else feels quite like home. How about you?"

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know."

"Ah, right." He nodded. "Why don't you try and know?"

"Are you stupid?" I raised a brow. "If I had the ability to remember I would."

"No, I'm not stupid." He responded. "Because that isn't what I meant."

"Then what did you mean exactly?" I asked.

"Why don't you explore? Leave Washington, go to Los Angela's, go to New York. Fly down to Texas. Do something fun. Make new expiriences. New memories."

"I can't." I mumbled. "I told you. I'm tethered to my sister."

"You're not tethered to her, you feel like you have to be, because the old you hung on so tightly to whatever she could anchor herself down to. You needed that then, you don't now. You can't sit there and tell me you enjoy being smothered."

He was right. I hated it. I couldn't understand how past me enjoyed it.

"I can't go alone." I rolled my eyes. "That would be stupid. I'd be kidnapped and probably thrown in a ditch, never to be seen again."

"Who says you'd have to go alone?" A smirk found its way to his lips.

"Oh and who'd accompany me?" I scoffed.

"Me?"

"Oh please." I muttered, stuffing my face with the funnel cake.

"Yes please." He joked. "We could leave Seattle for a year. One year. We travel America, and we see if we like somewhere better. Somewhere nicer. Somewhere with less pain. You died here, Royal, and you came back to life as this wonderful human being and you deserve experiences. You deserve not to be smothered. You deserve to make a new life for yourself."

"Didn't you just say nothing can compare to Seattle for you?"

"For me." He said. "Nothing can compare for me, but you're not me. All of your suffering has been here. Why can't you find a little good? What if that little good is all the way across the country?"

I chewed on my bottom lip. "We barely know each other, Nix."

"But it feels like forever." He mumbled.

It did. It did feel like forever. When I was around him I felt complete, and that wasn't something I'd felt since I'd awoken from my anesthetic slumber. What if he was right, though? What if the complete puzzle piece was somewhere no where near here? What if Amelia couldn't offer what I needed? What I needed now, anyways. I'm not the same Royal I was three weeks ago. I'm different. I'm new. It's the new me, and she has to get used to that...but then I wondered. What if my puzzle piece was sitting right across from me?

"I get if it takes awhile to answer." He nodded in understanding. "But you tell me. You tell me if you want me to come pick you up, and we can start driving. Nothing ties me down here. Don't let your sister tie you down, Roy."

"Okay." I responded. "Okay."

Suddenly, I felt a drop of rain, and when I looked up, and entire sheet of rain fell on us and I gasped. "Oh Jesus."

He laughed, taking my hand. "What's he gotta do with this?"

I laughed as well and we ran off together. I felt so free with him, like I could be me. Whoever that was...I needed to make me. I needed to be me. I needed to try and understand me. Maybe time away from the old me would do me some good.

* * *

When we arrived back at Amelia's house, Phoenix gave me his phone number, and left me with a kiss to the cheek. When I entered through the front door, I was soaking wet, and freezing, but his kiss made me feel like a thousand degrees. Amelia was standing in front of the door, worry laced in her face. "Royal, for Christs sake. You've been out for hours, you didn't answer your phone."

"That was on purpose." I raised my eyebrows at her, throwing my boots to the ground, I continued forwards toward my room.

"Excuse me? Come back here." She began to stomp after me.

"Can't you leave me alone!?" I turned towards her. "I needed time to myself. To whoever that is. I feel like all you do is smother me, and I can't handle it. I can't handle you hovering my old memories above my head. I don't remember them. I don't remember me. I don't remember you! All you are is a stranger. You're nothing. You are NOTHING to me, Amelia!"

That's when I felt my cheek heat up for a second time, but it was a different kind of heat. A stinging pain. She'd slapped me. I looked towards her and she looked shocked with herself, and I felt the intense urge to cry and crawl into a corner but I didn't. Instead I stared directly into her face. "That's why I needed to leave." I made my way to my room and slammed the door shut behind me. I took out my phone, and began to text Phoenix.

"Tonight. At ten PM, come to my window. I need to find me."


	22. Chapter 22

I hadn't heard word from Amelia after what happened. I simply packed a duffel of clothes, and awaited the arrival of Phoenix. I knew this was drastic, and probably completely unlike who I was. But I needed drastic. I needed to be drastic. I needed a new start, away from who I was. I needed something new, something I could reach out and touch. If I were to continue to live here, I'd never have memories. I'd never have experience. I'd be holed up against my sister all day long, with her hovering over everything I did. I couldn't handle it. I wouldn't handle it. I refused to handle it.

I was caught up from my thoughts by a knock at the window. I turned round, it was him. Phoenix. Blond hair and all, with a grin to match. I smiled back at him and lifted the window. "You came."

"You thought I wouldn't?" He teased.

"Tell me what I'm doing is right." I said. "Tell me that."

"I can't." He responded. "Because it isn't, but just because it's not right, doesn't mean it isn't what you need. Your sister will understand that eventually. Trust me."

I began to exit the window, "You act as though you're so experienced in this."

"I am." He mumbled. "After my mom died from cancer, and my brother committed suicide...I needed to get away from who I was. I needed to get away from everything around me. I was an asshole for leaving my dad like that, he lost his entire family because of me. But sometimes we're allowed to be selfish. We're allowed that sometimes."

When my feet hit the ground, I shut the window tightly. "You're right. We're allowed to do that sometimes."

We began walking in the direction of his car. "Tell me one thing, Nix."

"Yeah?"

"Where are we gonna go?" I asked.

"I've got an aunt up in California. L.A. actually. I already told her I'd be coming up to visit." He responded.

"I'm assuming you left out the part about my presence?" I raised a brow.

"Maybe." He shrugged. "She wont care. She's very...flamboyant. She's a big talker, loves company, and loves feeding people. We're in luck with her."

"Then what?" I sighed. "I just...never come back?"

"That's up to you." He nudged my shoulder. "Do you want to go back?"

That was a good question. Truthfully, I had no need to go back. I didn't remember that life. I didn't feel close to that life. But I remember every moment I've had with Phoenix, even if it's only been a days worth. I remember everything about him, since the beginning, when I first saw him, to when I saw his faults and how I loved his faults. When I look at Amelia it's as though we've got this relationship I've had no hand in. Because regardless if it's my body, it doesn't feel like my mind. So I wasn't sure. I didn't know if I'd ever go back...

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I don't want to. I want to forget about all of that and restart. Just...go somewhere, and restart with someone else. I want to have kids, you know? Raise 'em right, like I wasn't. I want to feel the love Amelia feels for me...that I can never give her. Ever again..."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. "Then that is exactly what we'll do."

So that was it. That was the last time I'd ever see my sister...for a long, long, time.


	23. Chapter 23

**4 YEARS LATER**

* * *

 _This wasn't my intention. It wasn't my intention to leave for four years, have two kids and never show my face to Amelia again. It wasn't my intention to have a wedding and not invite her to it. It wasn't my intention to hurt her. But I did it. I did it all. Me and Phoenix? Married. With a little four year old, and a one year old boy. We lived in the middle of L.A. in a gorgeous area with amazing schools, where our children were quite happy. Phoenix finished his PhD. Now, a surgeon in his residency. I? I didn't finish my PhD, let alone go to college. I wrote a book, a very, very famous book. About my experience with amnesia, my faults, the things I did wrong in the journey and the things I did right for myself, and for everyone else around me. Amelia hadn't tried to contact me, and I was grateful. I never thought I'd see her again. It wasn't my intention to ram my car into Addison's, and to remember everything. Everything from before. For my amnesia to be reversed. But of course, that was just my luck. Wasn't it?_

 _It was a bright and early morning in California. Sun shiny and beautiful. I very vividly remember getting dressed in a white t-shirt and black shorts. They were the first two things I spotted. I was running late to bring Willow, my beautiful little girl, to her preschool. I also remember strapping my baby boy, Lincoln, onto my back. I remembered dropping Willow off at school, giving her a kiss goodbye. Then, I remember something very strange. On my way out of the carpool lane, I saw a woman, with beautiful red hair. I felt a pull inside me, a pull like the pull I used to feel with Amelia. The same pull. I felt as though I knew her. I knew her...how did I know her? Then, I remembered black. Total, utter, black. And when I woke up? I remembered. I remembered everything._

* * *

My eyes fluttered open softly, I looked around the room. The lights were blinding, and I lifted my hand to shield my eyes. I heard a gasp, and I blinked tightly. It was fuzzy, hard to see. But I saw what appeared to be a woman in front of me. I rubbed my eyes until my vision came into focus. Addison. Addison was in front of me. My mouth gaped open and it was my turn to gasp, but it wasn't her I was worried about.

"Where's my baby!?" I asked frantically. "Where's my baby!"

"He's okay." She reassured. "He's alright. It wasn't a major accident. You didn't have your seat belt on yet, your head banged against your steering wheel very harshly. We checked for brain bleeds and swelling, none of that. Royal, do you remember anything?"

"I remember everything." I breathed. "Get me my baby. Please, Addison."

She looked at me as though I was insane. That was to be expected. I hadn't spoken to her in four years, and last she knew of me, I had amnesia and couldn't remember shit.

"You remember me?" She mumbled.

"Yes." I breathed. "I made a shit decision four years ago. I know that. But I don't regret it. Please, get, me, my, baby."

She didn't respond, instead her shocked look remained and she walked away with a fast pace. I stood up in the hospital bed I was laying in. I wasn't connected to any monitors, telling me it truly wasn't anything serious. I'd really just passed out, but boy did that give me some relief. My poor baby must be terrified.

Addison returned holding my blond haired boy, when he saw me his face lit up and he began to giggle and squeal. "Mama, mama!"

"Oh baby." I gasped, reaching for him, and he was handed to me. I hugged him tightly to my chest. "Mommy is so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

But he could have cared less. He was more inspired by my hair, which was fine by me. As long as he was in my arms.

"This is your boy?" She asked softly.

I nodded. "My baby boy..."

"He's beautiful." She smiled. "He's beautiful, Royal."

"He looks like Amelia." I muttered. "Just like her. Except for the coloring...Willow got that."

"I told her." Addison said.

I looked up at her, eyes wide. "You did what?"

"I told Amelia where you were." She responded flatly. "She has every right to know."

I gulped. "Oh no..."

"Oh no is right." She crossed her arms. "You up and left, for the second time in one year, Royal. She lost you for three years, and you left her again. She lost you when you lost your memories. She couldn't handle the loss of you completely."

"Did she...relapse?" I mumbled.

"No." She said firmly. "She's stronger than that. But all she does all day is bury herself deeper and deeper into her work. It's painful to watch. I know you needed to leave. I know that. The old Royal needed to be smothered and told she was loved constantly because she couldn't feel it, but the new Royal didn't, because the new Royal didn't remember. She didn't realize. Amelia couldn't adapt that fast. You were a teenager, Royal. You didn't know anything about the world, yet you thought you did, but you caused so much pain."

I gulped down tears as I caressed my one year old's stomach. He was playing with my gown this time.

"I know." I nodded. "I know I did. I'm sorry."

"It's not me you need to apologize to." She murmured.

There was silence for a moment.

"What time is it?"

She looked down at a watch. "Almost one."

"Shit. My little girl is still at preschool. She needs to be picked up!" I said.

"I'm sure they would have called your husband by now." She responded calmly. "I'll call him, tell him which hospital you were taken to. What's his name?"

"Phoenix." I told her. "Phoenix is his name. Tell him to come right away, please."

She left for the second time and all I could think about was how I was supposed to explain to Amelia where I'd gone, what I'd done with my life. How I was going to explain that I remembered everything, for the first time in four years. I found myself crying. Crying into my babies head. I was crying for the pain I know I caused my big sister, and how terrible a person I really was. I made the worst decision ever, yet the best at the same time. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have had these two beautiful children. I wouldn't have my incredible husband. I probably wouldn't have remembered anything.

I sat this way for awhile, until the door reopened but this time it was Phoenix. He came rushing in with Willow in his arms, worry washed over every inch of him. "Roy, are you okay?"

"I remember." I murmured. "I remember everything, Nix. Every. Little. Thing."

"About...before?" He asked.

"Before." I nodded.

"Mommy!" Willow screeched, trying to reach for me.

"Hey, babes." I grinned at her as Phoenix sat her down on my bed. She curled next to me, and I kissed her beautiful brown locks. "Are you okay?"

"Mhm! Are you okay? Is Link okay?" She asked.

"Yep. We're all good." I smiled down at her innocence and kissed her forehead repeatedly. "I love you so much, Willow."

"I love you too, mommy." She giggled.

"Roy...does Amelia know?" Phoenix asked quietly.

I nodded softly. "She was told. She's coming...here. I don't know when."

"Alright." He mumbled. "We'll handle this. Together. We'll get through this one."

"I'm a very bad person, Nix..."

"No you're not." He mumbled, kissing my head. "You're not a bad person, Roy. Never."

But I couldn't help but feel terrible. I couldn't help but feel like I was nothing but a piece of crap. Especially when I met my big sisters eyes in front of me. She was sobbing, tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably, and I began to sob myself. "Amelia."

* * *

 **Oh brother. Amelia and Royal reunite once more. I wonder how that'll go down...**

 **-Sam**


	24. Chapter 24

Phoenix quickly bundled up our children and left the room to give us our privacy. I would have told him to at least leave Link. No one hits a person with a baby, and I didn't really know how angry she was. Although, my guess was very angry.

Amelia began to pace my hospital room. "You know...you don't even leave a note. You just leave through your window, and the last thing I heard from you, I slapped you. Then two years later I see your book on the best sellers list on Amazon." She scoffed. "I'm not as angry as you think. I understand why you left, you were a child, and I wasn't easily adaptable to the new situation."

"Amelia..." I mumbled, trying to cut her off.

"And you want to know something?" She stopped in the middle of the room, and came to lean against the bottom frame of the bed. "I'm okay. I thought maybe I'd...go back to drugs. Maybe I'd get drunk again. But I'm okay, I'm doing fantastic."

"Amy." I sighed.

"And you're doing fine." Her chin began to quiver. "You've got a really hot husband and-"

"Amelia!" I said sharply.

She began to cry again and I sighed. "Amelia, I remember."

"You remember what?" She asked, her tongue cutting at me like a knife. "You remember leaving in the middle of the night? You could have been dead, Royal! You could have been stowed away in a damn ditch for all I knew. I lost all hope in ever seeing you again and then I find your fucking book. I read your fucking book, and that's how I found out about your amazing incredible life you'd made for yourself. You should have told me! You should have contacted me!"

"I remember everything." I finally said. "In the car crash, my amnesia was reversed when I hit my head on the steering wheel. I remember everything."

She looked at me in confusion for a few moments, but then I saw something I thought I would never see again. Relief. I saw relief, and she looked like her world had just begun again after ending a terrible end. She walked to the side of the bed. "Can I hug you? Please? I haven't hugged you in years."

"You don't have to ask." I mumbled, sitting up and wrapping my arms around her tightly. "I'm sorry I left without a trace. I was a stupid teenager, and I needed something drastic. We're runners, Ames. It's what we do."

She caressed the back of my head and I could feel her warm tears trickle down my shoulder. "It is what we do, isn't it?"

"Don't cry," I murmured, "come here." I scootched to the far right side of the bed and she came to lay beside me. Usually, she'd hold me, and I'd melt into her touch. Now, it was my turn to hold her. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, and pulled her close to me, resting my chin on her head. "It hurts, knowing I stopped knowing you. But you want to know something weird?"

"What?" She murmured.

"I never stopped loving you." I said. "I don't think love just comes from the brain. Your whole body is involved. That pull I told you about? It was me wanting to hug you, talk to you like we normally did, because it felt natural to my body. It was me wanting to tell you how much I loved you. It was my body wanting to remember, but not being able to. I didn't realize that then."

"I read that in your book." She mentioned.

"Oh." I chuckled. "Right, I forgot you read that."

"Were those...your children?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Those are my babies."

"They're gorgeous, Ellie."

My chest tightened when I heard my nickname for the first time in four years. "Lincoln, or we call him Link usually, looks just like you. But he's got Phoenix's coloring. Blond hair and these massive brown eyes. He's the cutest thing. Then there's Willow, she's four. She has beautiful blue eyes, and gorgeous dark hair, but she has my features. She's a lot like me, actually. We've got another runner, if she's done something bad on accident it's like a game of hide and seek. I'll find her in her closet and she'll just be crying and telling me to go away, that she wants to be alone, and now that I'm thinking about it I can remember when I used to do that."

She chuckled. "Sounds exactly like you, El. You did just that."

"And...I did something." I said.

"What's that?" She asked.

"Willow's middle name...is Amelia." I mentioned.

She looked up at me, her eyes wet once more. "Why...?"

"That pull never went away when I thought about you and I felt so shitty for leaving and hurting you. I thought if I gave Willow a piece of you, it would hurt less."

"Did it?"

"No." I laughed lightly. "It didn't."

"Well. She's got a piece of the best Aunt in the world." She smiled. I didn't know it before, but I missed her smile.

"Yeah. She does." I nodded.

"You're not my baby anymore." She took a shaky breath. "You're all grown up."

"I can be your baby until the day I die." I mumbled. "After all I put you through, you deserve that much."

"You know what I really want?" She wiped her cheeks.

"What's that?"

"To meet my niece and my nephew." She sat up. "I want to meet them."

"Okay. I can arrange that." I smiled. "Call out for Phoenix?"

She stood from the bed and walked over to the door, doing as I had instructed of her.

Phoenix re entered, Link asleep in his arms, and Willow ran back in, her hair trailing behind her. "Mommy, daddy gave me jello!"

I raised a brow at him. I didn't like her having sugar, it made her go insane, and bounce off the walls. "Great. That's just great, Nixie."

He cringed. "I deserved that."

I rolled my eyes and bent down to lift my daughter onto the bed. "Okay, Low. I have someone very important for you to meet."

"Who? Who!?" She gasped excitedly. Damn Jello.

I motioned for Amelia to come closer, and she sat at the edge of my bed. "This is your Aunt Amelia."

Willow began to grin. "My middle name is Amelia! We're matching. I've never had an aunt before. Why do I have an aunt now, mommy?"

"Because I have a sister." I responded softly.

"How come you didn't have one before?"

"I did." I said. "But we weren't talking, and now we are."

"Oh." She was still confused, no doubt about it. "Okay. Well hi. I like your hair, it's pretty."

"Why thank you, Willow. Your hair is beautiful too."

"Really!?" She asked excitedly, crawling closer to her. "Our hairs look the same."

"They do?" Amelia raised her eyebrows, taking a lock of her hair, and putting it next to Willow's. "Wow. You're right, we're twins."

Willow giggled.

Amelia was always incredible with kids. I'm so glad that she was here to be a part of my kids' lives, because I didn't plan on leaving her again. Never again.


	25. Chapter 25

I never thought that I'd see what I was seeing now. Amelia trying to teach my daughter to roller skate in her living room. But I was seeing it, and it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my entire life.

"Ahh!" Willow squealed as Amelia pushed her down the hall. "Auntie Amy!"

Amelia went running after her, and I hugged Link closer to my chest. "I'm so happy only one of my babies is old enough to do reckless things. I can only handle one heart attack a day." I kissed his face.

Suddenly, Willow came rolling in and slammed into the couch, giggling wildly. "That was fun!"

Amelia came running, tickling her like crazy. Willow tried to grab free but Amelia was too strong for her. It brought a bright smile to my lips. "Amy, Amy!" She laughed. "Offff!"

"What's the magic word?" Amelia laughed, holding the beaming girls hands over her head.

"Please, please!"

Amelia let her go and flopped onto the couch next to her. Both out of breath. It was insane, they looked so related. Amelia was only half related to me, but you'd never think that judging by my daughter.

"You done trying to kill my daughter?" I raised a brow at Amelia.

"You know, I could do it to you too if you weren't holding that baby." Amelia raised a brow back.

I hugged my son closer to me once again. "Well, aren't I lucky I'm holding him, then?"

"Speaking of holding cute babies, gimme." She stood up and held out her hands.

I frowned, handing off the blond haired boy to his Aunt who he loved.

Willow and Link had latched onto Amelia in the week we'd been here, and it made me so happy to see how much they loved her. They'd been growing to Addison too. Honestly, it made me feel like shit, knowing I'd kept them from their family for so many years, but then again I didn't really know what they were missing. I didn't know I was missing it. Now? Now it hurts more than it did then.

Willow took off her roller skates and threw them onto the ground before crawling her way into my lap. "Mommy?"

"Yes, Low-Low?" I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Can we never leave this place?" She asked softly. "I like it here lots."

My face softened and I tucked a strand of waves behind her ear. "What about California? Don't you like your preschool?"

"Not as much as Auntie Amy." She frowned. "I don't ever wanna leave her!"

I looked up at Amelia, whose heart was breaking. I knew she didn't want me to leave again either, and I couldn't help but feel the same. Although, Phoenix had made quite the name for himself in the hospital he worked in, and I would never stop hating myself if I asked him to uproot to Grey-Sloan. "We'll have to ask daddy, sweetie."

"He's gonna say no." She pouted. "He always says no."

"That's not true." I said, pulling her closer to me.

"Yeah huh. He either says to ask you or he says no."

Well...she wasn't necessarily wrong. He was usually bad cop. I didn't have the heart to tell my children no. If it weren't for him, Willow would be a spoiled brat, I wont lie.

"Okay, so I'll ask daddy." I responded. "Does daddy ever say no to me?"

"No." She giggled. 'You scare him."

Amelia laughed. "Do you now?"

"No." I rolled my eyes playfully. "Of course not...I just make him jump if he's being irritating about something."

"Nuh uh! You scare him!" Willow insisted. "He does whatever, just cause you say."

"Shhh." I whispered to her, poking her in the ribs. "You're gonna make Amy think I'm a mean old hag."

"You are a mean old hag." Amelia said.

I gasped. "Willow am I a mean old hag?"

"No, mommy!" She giggled, latching onto my hand.

"I say that causes some serious pay back." I raised a brow at Amelia, taking Willow off my lap, and snatching my son from her. "Go tickle her, Low."

Amelia's eyebrows raised, and Willow pounced. Amelia ran away, and Willow chased, laughing. I smiled, I'd done my job here.


	26. Chapter 26

I had asked Phoenix if we could stay in Seattle. For a day, he didn't seem to like the idea of leaving California. St. Ambrose hospital was where he had his internship, his residency. Transferring was going to be a pain the ass, and he wasn't impressed with the question. That was, until he saw the way Willow interacted with Amelia. It made his heart swell. He saw the way Amelia loved me, and her niece and nephew, and if that isn't enough to say 'Okay' I don't know what is. We moved to Seattle that year. Addison visited frequently, and we were only just down the street from Amelia and Owen. Willow, now, is eleven, and Link is eight. Both are in school, and very happy children. Phoenix was an attending at Grey-Sloan, and I was still a stay at home mom, with another best seller on the market. I loved my life, and every day I cherished it. But that doesn't mean some days weren't difficult.

Willow, being almost twelve, was trying to be a cool rebellious tween, and no one was too happy about it. She was a sweet angel one moment, and the next she was picking a fight, and it was almost unbearable. For awhile Amelia was able to put her back in her place, because Amelia was the cool aunt, and I was just the mean mom, and Phoenix was just the know-it-all dad. That was until recently, though, when I caught her coming home with a pound of makeup on her face.

"Willow Amelia Shepherd-Maxwell, what the hell is on your face." My fists connected with my hips, and I tapped my bare foot against the beige carpet beneath it.

"Makeup?" She scoffed, crossing her arms.

"And what are you wearing?" I said, clearly distressed. "Who taught you that you could walk outside looking like a stripper!?"

"All the girls at school do it." She rolled her eyes.

"Do not roll your eyes at me, Willow. I really would not advise keeping this attitude for much longer." I said, anger building in my chest.

"What are you gonna do about it? Put me in time out?"

That was it. "Get to your room. Right now. Change out of that skanky outfit, get that make up off your face, and come back down when you're not being so vile. I am your mother, and you're going to respect me. Do you understand that?"

"Whatever." She grumbled, stomping up the stairs.

I was angry, and I could get angry, but nothing like Phoenix. I wanted to call him but at the same time I needed to deal with this myself, because he'd implode on impact and regardless of this attitude she has up that she doesn't care, she'd cry herself to sleep knowing that Phoenix had just screamed at her. So I called my two second bests. Amelia and Addison.

It took them literally minutes to arrive at my front door. Amelia was hosting Addison at her house. It was her turn anyways, but it was also her day off and I kind of felt guilty for pulling them away to deal with my daughter but I couldn't do it alone. "Help."

"Where's the kid?" Amelia stepped inside, throwing her shoes off at the front door like I always asked. Addison did the same.

"Her room, removing her alter." I shook my head in disbelief. "My baby. My eleven year old baby, is dressed in booty shorts, and a top short enough to be considered a bra. She doesn't even wear bras. Oh Jesus...and her makeup. I've never seen so much makeup on a person before."

"I remember when she was so small." Addison reminisced. "She could crawl into our laps, and we'd read her bed time stories. The only time that girl wore makeup is when she got into yours."

"I know." I muttered. "It's horrible, Addie. She looked like...like..."

"A slut?"

All three of our heads whipped towards the staircase. Her beautiful face no longer adorned in the horrendous amounts of makeup, and she was wearing leggings and a t-shirt. Normal kid clothes, for a normal kid. "You think I looked like a slut."

"Yes." Amelia nodded her head. "What gives you the right to completely disobey your mother?"

"At least I'm not taking drugs, unlike you." She cocked her head to the side.

I saw Amelia's face drain blood and she balled her hands into fists.

"That is enough!" I yelled loudly, making everyone jump. I never yelled. I was always good cop, always trying to smooth things over, but no one and I mean no one gets to talk about my sister that way. Not even my daughter. "You don't speak to adults that way, Willow. I've taught you better, I raised you better. Your father would be so disappointed, and you want to know something? I tried this same exact stunt when I was your age, and you wanna know what happened to me?"

"What?" She raised her eyebrows, giving me attitude.

"I got beat." I said calmly. "Beat until I was black and blue."

Suddenly the entire room went silent, jaws dropped although I was unsure whose they belonged to. "I did absolutely anything to get my mothers attention. Anything, to make her love me, and that was one of the things I did and you know what it gave me? Two black eyes and a broken nose and bruises everywhere."

My daughters face softened as I recounted my tail. "You are so incredibly lucky you didn't have to grow up the way I did. Begging for attention because I wanted love. You have, so much love, Willow. I love you, Amelia loves you, Addison loves you, and your dad adores you. And Link? Link looks up to you, so much. What kind of example are you setting? Not to respect his body? Make himself look provocative for attention? Come on, Willow. Really?"

"Royal." Addison muttered softly.

"No." I jabbed my finger towards her. "No, you don't tell me to stop. She knows my childhood, Addie. She knows the shit I went through, so this is real time, Low. Me and you. Real time. We all grew up in shit, doing the same exact things you're doing and we all got very different reactions, but you, you out of all of us have the absolute best. Because we're doing this from love, not anger, and hatred."

"You sound mad." Willow mumbled, rocking on her feet.

"She is." Amelia crossed her arms tightly, still angry about the little comment she made about the whole drugs thing. "She's more pissed than ever at you, Willow."

"You heard her." I cocked my head.

"Am I in trouble?" She looked down, hiding her face with her brown waves that looked identical to Amelia's.

"A lot of it." Addison responded.

"Okay." She sighed. "I deserve it."

"Hell yes you do." I said. "Now get all the way down here, and you apologize to your aunt, right now. That little comment you made about drugs was disgusting, and uncalled for. She's been nothing but good to you your whole life, so don't you dare turn around and act as though she's scum at the bottom of your shoe."

She walked down the stairs, pursing her lips. "I'm sorry, Amy."

Amelia looked at her with a stony face and gathered her in her arms. "I accept your apology, Willow."

"Thank you." She muttered into her chest.

"Now apologize to your mother." Addison said firmly. "If you've hurt anyone the most it's her."

She left Amelia and walked over to me, bringing me in her arms and wrapping her arms tightly around my torso. I hugged her back. "I'm sorry, mommy."

I caressed her waves, kissing her head. "I also accept your apology, Low. But that doesn't mean you're grounded."

"I know." She sighed shakily. "My phone?"

"Your phone, your computer, and no TV for a week." I said, and she pulled away.

"Okay. I'll go get them." She mumbled, walking up the stairs glumly.

"Good job, El." Amelia smiled, bringing me in her arms.

I hugged her tightly. "Thanks. I am so sorry for what she said."

"You did it too." She reminded. "Just retaliation. She didn't mean it."

I cringed, thinking I'd said the words that crossed my daughters lips. They were so nasty, and mean, it hurt to think anyone could say that to a human as amazing as Amelia. "Yeah. Sorry about that too."

Next thing I know I'm in Addisons arms as well and I sighed. "My baby is all grown up. She isn't four anymore, guys."

"She's growing up to be a beautiful woman. She's not a kid anymore. Have you had the talk with her yet?" Amelia asked.

I shivered just thinking about it. "Not yet. I don't think I'm ready for that."

"She's almost twelve. She needs to be talked to, and soon." Addison said.

"I know but. She just. She's my baby." I groaned. "My baby."

"She'll always be your baby, El." Amelia tucked hair behind my ear. "Like you're always my baby. But I gave you the talk, and I don't tell you not to have sex."

"Ew. Okay. Great, thanks, Amelia." I rolled my eyes.

The two women laughed and I crossed my arms.

"Here." Willow returned. "My phone and my computer."

"Thank you." I said, grabbing them from her and sticking them in the kitchen cabinet. "You'll get them back next Tuesday."

"Okay." She nodded.

"Now that Amelia and Addie are here, we're not gonna just kick them out." I smiled at them. "Let's do something fun."

"You have twister, sis?" Amelia raised a brow.

"Who doesn't?" I scoffed, going into the living room to search through the board games. "Ah, here we go."

Amelia cracked her knuckles and neck. "This is my game."

"I'm gonna beat you." I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Such children." Addison rested her hands on Willow's shoulders. "But I think I'm going to win."

Willow giggled. "We'll see about that."

I smiled, we were a family. A big dysfunctional family, but I loved it.

* * *

 **I'll be posting a few more chapters of Royal's life as the kids age, and as time progresses, but The Shepherd Theory is coming to an end. But as of now, I'm writing a new fanfic, Heroin and The Heroine. So watch out for those new chapters! Thanks for all the support on this fic, it means a lot. :)**

- **Sam**


	27. Chapter 27

**I figured...TST is ending soon, and I haven't written about the night Royal got her iconic name. I guess it had totally slipped my mind, but I think it needed to be written before this fanfic comes to an end. So here it is. The day Baby Shepherd, became Royal Shepherd.**

- **Sam**

* * *

It had been a long day for Royal. Her mother was drinking again, and she'd became exceedingly violent, swearing, and saying horrible things to her. When Amelia found her way home to bring Royal to Derek's, Royal was crying and their mother was standing over her, about ready to throw a kick.

"Mother!" Amelia shouted, slamming the door behind her.

Carolyn turned around, hot on her heels. "Don't shout at me you lowlife bitch."

Amelia was seething, but Royal had seen enough. She stomped towards her baby sister and scooped the eight year old up in her arms. "Are you okay, Baby?"

Royal was shaking, she cried into her sisters shoulder. She had a cut on her forehead from an obviously shattered beer bottle. "It's okay, babes. We'll get that cleaned up." She sent a glare towards her stumbling mother before turning round and opening the back door.

"I was so scared, Amy." Royal muttered shakily. "S-She was gonna kick me before you came and I was real scared."

"I know, honey." Amelia muttered, unlocking the car and placing her baby sister in the back seat. She caressed the girls face and kissed her cheek. "You're safe now. I'm going to take you home."

She got into the drivers side.

"To your home or to Derek's?" Royal asked softly.

"I think we'll go to my house." Amelia responded. "Do you want to take a bath? You're all bloodied."

Royal chewed on her bottom lip. "Mmm..."

"I'll be there with you, sweets." Amelia said, reversing the car. "No one is going to hurt you with the water when I'm there, we talked about that, right?"

"I know." She said. "I know..."

"So how bout it? Some blueberry bubbles, some candles, maybe some music?" Amelia smiled back at Royal's damp face, clearly from the tears. "We have a date, Baby?"

"Yeah." Royal nodded. "We have a date, Amy."

Amelia put on the radio softly, hoping it would calm some of Royal's nerves, music always had that effect on Royal. And if it didn't calm Royal's nerves, it was certainly calming Amelia's. The woman pushed black hair behind her ears as she drove into her driveway. "You awake back there, Baby?"

"Yeah." Royal responded glumly.

Amelia set the car into park, got Royal, and entered her small house. She set the girl down but Royal hung onto Amelia like a leech. She was quite short for an eight year old, her face only coming up to the womans hip. She was quite malnourished, and therefore her growth was stunted. Her small arms were wrapped around her big sisters leg. "I can't walk if you're standing on my foot, babe."

Royal pouted, but insisted on grabbing on Amelia's hand.

The two walked into the bathroom, where Amelia began to run the bath water, adding in the blueberry scented bubbles that Royal loved.

"Alright, sweetie. Let's look at that cut." She hoisted Royal onto the sink and looked at it under the light. She didn't see any existing glass, and it wasn't deep enough to need stitches. "Okay. Just a cut. We can take care of that real easy."

"What do you need to do?" Royal asked curiously.

"Well first," Amelia smiled at her, grabbing the rubbing alcohol from under the sink. "We're gonna need to use some of this."

Royal's nose scrunched at the sight of it. After her history of abuse, rubbing alcohol to prevent infection was used commonly on her and she hated it. "Yuck. Then what?"

"Then! We get a band-aid, and you're good as new." Amelia poked her sisters nose with a grin on her face, searching for a band-aid.

Royal giggled. "Do you have a Disney band-aid, Amy?"

"I've only got Disney band-aids, sweetie pie." Amelia chuckled, taking out a large box of mickey mouse themed bandages.

Royal smiled from ear to ear. "Yay! Can I help?"

"Sure." Amelia responded, grabbing some tissue paper and putting on the alcohol. 'Do you want to do this part yourself?"

"Yes please." Royal responded, taking the tissue in her own hand. She swiveled around so her face looked into the mirror, and lightly she put the tissue to her forehead. She cringed as she did it. "Ow. It stings."

Amelia rubbed her sisters back. "I know baby. I'm sorry. It helps though." She added some Neosporn to the band-aid.

Royal took the alcohol off of her cut and threw it away. "Okay. Done."

Then, Amelia put the bandage on her sisters forehead, and smiled. "Good as new, sweets."

Royal smiled back, and her eyes adverted to the tub that was already full. "Amy it's gonna over spill!"

Amelia's head snapped towards the tub. The bubbles had reached dangerous heights. Dangerous meaning they'd spill over and all of that water would leak into the basement. Not a problem she particularly wanted to deal with. "Shit." She muttered, turning off the water hurriedly. "Good catch, sweetie. Almost got myself in some trouble there."

Royal smiled swinging her feet. 'You're welcome."

"Well. What are you waiting for!?" Amelia grinned. "Let's get in."

Royal slid off the sink slowly, and tip toed towards the bath, where she smelled the bubbles. "Smells like pie."

"Blueberry pie." Amelia removed her shirt. "Are you okay, Baby?"

Royal shrugged, her chin touching her chest. "Don't wanna..."

Amelia bent down, taking her chin under her finger and lifting the girls head to eye level. "When was the last time you took a bath?"

"Don't remember." She muttered.

"Exactly." Amelia sighed. "I know they're scary because of what mom does. I know you're scared, baby, but I'm right here. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to do bad things to you. You believe me, right?"

Royal's bottom lip quivered. 'Yes."

"So come on. You need a bath, babes. I don't want to be mean but you don't smell the greatest." Amelia chuckled lightly. "Can you be a big girl for me and get in?"

Royal nodded her head. "Yeah."

And so she did, giving Amelia big eyes when her feet hit the water. Her chin began to quiver, and Amelia knew what was coming next so she jumped in with her, sitting down and offering to hold her sister. Royal began to sob as she fell into her sisters arms. It wasn't so much the water that was making her cry, but the entire day had gotten to her. It was late at night, her mother had been volatile all day, she'd had a cut, and now she was forced to get into a big hole of the one substance that scared her the most. It was all piled up.

Amelia pulled the girls hair away from her face and kissed her head. "It's okay, Baby."

"Don't call me that." Royal cried. "Mom calls me that and I hate when you call me that. Sometimes when you call me that all I hear is mom and I get scared."

Amelia's heart broke. She got scared of her? 'Well what am I supposed to call you?"

"I like when you call me your princess." Royal muttered into Amelia's shoulder. "Can you name me Princess, Amy?"

"Princess isn't a real name, sweetie." Amelia said lightly. "How about I agree to giving you another name, if you find one that's not Princess."

Royal nodded. "Okay."

So Royal pondered, and while she did, Amelia put shampoo in the girls hair and began to wash out the matted locks. Royal took a deep breath, smelling in the wonderful fragrance of the shampoo. "How about Royal? Like royalty. Princess's are Royal."

Amelia furrowed her eyebrows in thought. Royal also was definitely not a real name, but the girl had little to no control of what happened to her, or what was done to her. Amelia knew she needed control of something in her life and if her name was what it was than that was that. "Royal is a beautiful name, honey. I like that."

"For real?" Royal turned around and smiled brightly at her sister. "You think so?"

"I do." Amelia kissed the girls cheek. "Now turn around and tilt your head back."

Royal obliged, and that was the night Amelia renamed her baby sister.


	28. Chapter 28

I couldn't believe how time had gone by so quickly. My baby, my first baby, was sixteen years old, learning how to drive. It was surreal. It didn't seem like reality. She was just a baby not that long ago, able to fit perfectly in my arms. Now if I were to lift her she'd snap my spine. My big girl...

I currently was sitting in back seat sandwiched in between Link and Amelia. Phoenix was in the front seat, and Willow was in the drivers side. I'd stretched Link and Amelia's seat belt over me as well, so I'd be triple safe. I loved my daughter, but I didn't trust her behind a wheel yet.

"Okay, Low, just put the car in drive-"

Willow inched her hand towards the shift, and shifted it backwards into reverse, she began driving. I screamed.

"Willow you're in reverse!" My voice was shaking. 'Willow!"

Link died laughing beside me, Amelia following in suit. Phoenix glared at me and Willow huffed. "Mother! I realized! I'm not going to kill you, do you see any cars."

"Oh Jesus." I put a hand to my chest. "I think I need Jesus."

"You're not even Christian." Amelia said through her laughs.

"You're right. I need rum. I need a lot of rum." I groaned.

"Dad get her out of the car." Willow complained.

"Seriously, Roy, just let the kid drive. We've done this five times and each time you scream." Phoenix looked back at me with raised eyebrows.

"I'm sorry if I don't trust my daughter behind a wheel!" I looked towards Willow. 'You're doing great honey."

She glared at me.

"Okay. Go." I grabbed my sons hand, and my sisters hand. "I'm ready."

She began to drive again and I screamed internally, squeezing hard on their hands.

"Ow." My son seethed, pushing my hand away. 'You act like you're dying, mom."

Willow jerked the car stop and I screamed.

So...I didn't want this to happen...but I was outside watching my daughter drive. It was better that way. She wasn't hearing my screams, and I wasn't feeling impending doom every few moments.

I was happy when the little session ended, and our places went back to normal. Willow got in the back, Phoenix drove the car, and I got in the front.

I looked back at my daughter and grinned. "You did really well, hon!"

"Only because I kicked you out." She smiled back at me.

"I deserved it." I said.

"You did."

I patted her knee, and Phoenix smiled at me. We were thinking the same thing. We'd raised incredibly children together.


	29. Chapter 29

Seeing my little boy graduate from college wasn't something I ever thought I'd do as a teenager. I never truly thought I'd have kids. I always imagined myself hurting them like my mother hurt me, and I couldn't stand the thought of doing that to my children. I didn't want to have children, until of course I became pregnant with my first. My first baby, who died. That still hurt me. That my baby died, and it was my fault. Maybe...had I just prolonged the surgery...maybe certain things wouldn't have happened. But I couldn't think about that now. I was surrounded by my friends and family. Addison, Amelia, Phoenix, Meredith, Maggie, Owen, and of course my daughter. My beautiful daughter Willow, with her husband, and beautiful children. I was a grand mother. Her beautiful son Maximus was already two, growing like a weed. She'd given off the 'Shepherd' looks. He had dazzling blue eyes, and long tufts of brown hung down to his shoulders. He was the cutest, and I missed the days when my babies were this little. When Link was his age, he was so adorable. He was the fattest thing, and I loved it. His blond hair was shorter than Max's and his brown eyes sparkled more so, but Max was just as cute.

Today, as I sat next to my big sister and watched as my son rattled off his speech, I felt tears stream down my face. He was going to be a lawyer, an amazing lawyer. He was great at arguing, he showed that talent when he was a teenager often enough, I would know. Willow? Willow grew up to be a wonderful artist. She had a creative touch that was completely from her dads side of the family. I was a mess with a paint brush, come to think of it, Amelia was actually worse. I mean, if that was possible.

I glanced around and a smile formed at my lips. I loved my family. I was proud of my family. I was proud of who I became, regardless of the sorrows I had to go through to get here. Maybe the whole Shepherd theory was true, we retaliated better than most.

* * *

 **This is it guys. The end of The Shepherd Theory, but NOT the end of Royal! I'll be posting the prequel soon, It'll be called 'Baby Shepherd' so be sure to look out for that! This was a windy road, but we pulled through. Thanks everyone for the support and love,**

 **-Sam**


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